#since I've only ever written them with one

[factual-fantasy]

Recently I've been thinking a lot about Breakdown and Knockouts friendship and how it started, since they seem so different. Also how their re-written pasts make the transition from con to bot a lot more seamless/plausible.

It was only after all the line art was done that I stopped to think "They probably have canon backstories outside of the Prime show that I should look into.💀" But by then I had already brainstormed a bit too much for them--😅

That being said, the general idea I'm starting with is that Breakdown and Knockout both bonded over having joining the Decepticon cause for similar reasons.

For Breakdown, he had a huge family and a large circle of friends before the war. When the political stuff between OP and Megs started, Breakdown never really looked into it. He was never the "smart type" anyways. "Not like I'd even understand any of that political slop." He'd say.

Instead he got the info filtered to him through his friends and family. All of which were devout Decepticons. He trusted that they were more intelligent than him so he believed all that they would tell him about the Autobots and Optimus. Eventually becoming a devout Decepticon himself.

When the war began, of course he joined the cons with his friends and family. Why would he ever fight against them or question them?

By the time he had lost his loved ones to the war and had no one he loved to fight along side.. and by the time he really began to think about what he was fighting for and was questioning the morals of the cons.. he felt like it was far too late. He had killed one too many Autobots by that point. And his fate as a con was sealed.. there was no room to question what be believed now. He had no choice really, he was a con and that's that.

For Knockout it was similar. He didn't have a huge family or group of friends, but he did have a handful of people whom he highly respected and loved. When the politics came about, Knockout wasn't really sure he wanted to be a con. But his cowardice and anxiety ruled over him. He didn't want to turn against his loved ones who chose to be cons, and he felt like he had more protection with the cons then he did the Autobots.

When the war broke out and things got real, Knockout was terrified. Clinging to the little family he has left with the cons and doing everything he could to stay useful.

By the time his loved ones had all passed from war and he had no reason to stay with the cons. It was FAR too late. He felt like with the amount of aid he's provided to the Decepticons, there was no way he could join the Autobots. And he couldn't possibly survive on his own as a rogue. So for his own survival, he had to stay with the cons..

After learning of their similar backstories and feeling trapped with the cons, Breakdown and Knockout became very good friends.

All of this to say, this comic was supposed to show a bit about what my BD and KO's friendship looks like. Under his confident persona, KO is rather emotionally fragile from this war. And occasionally he has these nervous breakdowns over all the stress and loss..

Since he's become friends with Breakdown, he's never had to face these times alone. Somehow Breakdown always finds him, with a energon refill in hand, and talks him through it. BD thinks he's just really good at distracting KO with small talk and that's what settles him.

The truth is, its Breakdowns genuine sympathy and kindness in these moments that makes him feel like everything's gonna be ok.

[shaunamilfman]

does your mother know?

pairing: Jackie Taylor x masc/butch!r summary: Jackie's been a titan in her industry for the last ten years. You're her hapless assistant she snapped up fresh out of college. She insists that you can't do anything right, but that's okay. You look good in a tie. And on your knees, probably. She hasn't gotten around to that. Yet. note: heavy on minors dni. based on this jackieshauna fanart i saw on twitter. most self-indulgent thing i've ever written i fear.

A shrill call of your name has you jumping out of your seat, your office chair rolling back into the wall as you hurry around your desk toward the door of the large office in the middle of the room. It's the third time just today that she's called for you suddenly like that, despite her continued ability to just message you, so you don't even flinch anymore at the interruption. She's trained you out of that. 

“Yes, Ms. Taylor,” you say as you step through the always open door. It was supposed to be some kind of metaphor about how you could always ask her for help since her door was always open, but you mostly believe it's to spy on her employees. 

Mainly you. 

You're not sure what she did with her day before she hired you 8 months ago right out of college. Honestly, you're not sure how you managed to get the job in the first place. Jackie Taylor was a well-known name—has been for nearly ten years—and one you definitely weren't qualified to work for in the first place. Somehow you had managed to ace the in-person interview with Jackie. You'd only applied for a laugh, but here you were. 

In hell. 

“Took you long enough.” She sniffs, eyes narrowing as she leans forward in her chair. “Is that a new cologne?”

Your eyes widen. “I, uh, yeah. Yes, I mean. It was a gift.” 

“A gift,” she repeats. “A gift from whom?”

“Someone. A woman. Did you need help with something?”

“Did I need help with something,” she mutters, seemingly letting the cologne thing go. You knew she wasn't. She was just waiting to bring it back up when you least expected it. When you're the most vulnerable. She was good like that. “Do you think I just called you in here to stare at you?”

Maybe. She's done it before when you came in with a tighter shirt. You couldn't prove it, but you knew from how flustered she seemed the entire day. Unfortunately, she's definitely calling you in to pile more tasks on you. 

You flip your notepad open, pen poised to write down notes faster than she spoke them as you look up at her expectantly. Jackie almost preens as you snap to attention, a pleased curl of her lips as she starts rolling off instruction after instruction. It's everything you can do to keep up with her at the best of times, and this was no exception. By the time she's finished, and you've gotten ink covering three pages and your fingertip, you feel like your hand has run a marathon of its own. 

Practice for tonight, maybe, if your date went well. You smile at the thought. 

You look back down at your sprawling notes, the tasks seeming to go on forever. If you’re fast enough, and you usually are—a product of being threatened with unemployment at least once a day through sharply worded emails or even sharper smiles—you’ll be able to finish it with just enough time to make it to the restaurant. Still in your work clothes, but you thought you made the tie work for you. A lot of women did, Jackie included.

That little smirk she wore after, like she was daring you to comment on it. It was nice to catch her staring, even if a part of you thought that you should go to HR about it. If Jackie had been a man, you wouldn’t have hesitated to do so. But Jackie was decidedly not a man. Not in those tight pencil skirts that seem to accentuate every inch of her hips and her thighs. Or those heels of hers that made her legs seem impossibly long even though she had to look up at you to address you.

Much to her continued chagrin.

She hated that you were taller. Hated that she had to tilt her chin up. But she never said anything. She just narrowed her eyes and found a new bullshit reason to call you to her office.

The point was, no one was going to HR. Your boss pervs on you from time to time, yes, but it’s not like she was some creepy old man with a wedding ring he forgot to take off. She has a good ten years on you, but time has been nothing but good to her. You would be jealous at how well she’s aging if you weren’t so busy thinking about bending her over any available surface at least half the time. And she was single. Blissfully single, if you hear her tell it. 

You don’t think that last part’s entirely true. Jackie’s the kind of woman you imagine attached at the hip with her partner, tripping over each other’s feet. If you have to take a guess, the only reason Jackie went home to an empty house was her commitment to her job. She was married to it and expected the same out of the rest of you. It was why her department tended to have such a high turnover rate, but her results spoke for themselves. There were few people in her field as well known as her, especially at how young she is.

Maybe you have a bit of a power crush on top of your real, actual crush. Whatever. It’s not like it could make you any less fired if she finds out about it. If she doesn’t already know. Knowing Jackie, she probably does. That woman seems to know everything. It was her trade, after all.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jackie asks, giving you a glare as you visibly startle out of your thoughts. 

You shake your head sheepishly, adjusting your grip on your pen. It was far too expensive for something you would buy for yourself, but Jackie had presented it to you a few months ago with a command not to leave a Bic in her company car ever again. You’re sure she had her driver burn it. You half expect the one in your hand to self-destruct if you ever displease her too much. Jackie has the kind of money that could buy that kind of thing if she really wanted to.

“You're fired,” she says flatly, waving a manicured hand in your direction dismissively.

You hum in acknowledgement, finishing up the last of your notes. “And will you still want lunch from—” 

“My usual. Yes.” Her voice softens just the slightest, a flicker of something indulgent in her voice before she plays it off. Jackie pinches the bridge of her nose as she leans back in her chair, her reading glasses pressed higher against her face.

You catch yourself watching her. Again. There’s something calculated in the way she sits in her chair, one leg crossing over the other at the knee. Like she’s giving you just enough rope to hang yourself with, and nothing more. Not an inch more.

She rests her head on her hands as she finally looks back at you. “Well, go. Do I need to hold your hand? 

You try not to think too hard about that last part. 

**

“Busy night?” Jackie asks, just as you reach her door to let her know you were about to head out. 

There's a sinking feeling in your chest as you wait in the doorway. The two of you are the last ones left in your department, working hours past when everyone else went home. That's how it usually went with Jackie. She works her employees hard and herself harder. Jackie seems to see you as an extension of herself. That usually just fucks you over twice as hard.

She carefully slides her glasses down the bridge of her nose, folding them up gently as she places them on her desk and looks up at you. 

“No,” you lie, rocking guiltily on the balls of your feet. Your expensive leather shoes, a graduation present you were stuck with in your fancy office job, squeak obnoxiously as you do so, making you wince. Jackie lets out a long-suffering sigh as she stares down at them before meeting your eyes again. The kind that wears you down before she even opens her mouth.

“No?” she asks slowly, folding her hands up in her lap. 

Fuck. 

She knows. 

“Ihaveadate,” you mutter, eyes downcast. Maybe if you don't look at her, she won't yell as loudly? It's never worked for you before, but you can't fight the urge. God knows why she seems so possessive of your time. She never got mad at anyone else for having plans outside of work, but whenever you did, she acted like it was a personal affront to her sensibilities. 

“What?” Her voice isn’t raised, but it cuts you just the same

“I have a date.” 

Jackie sits back in her chair, a look of disappointment crossing her face. It's not like you can avoid it, not with the way she sits there staring at you in silence. You squirm at the intensity of it as you finally bring yourself to meet her eyes again. That look wasn't anything you think you can ever grow used to. It's not the same look she gives you when you fuck one of her impossible tasks up. This was more personal and far more cutting for it. 

It makes you want to plead for forgiveness just about the same amount as it makes you want to take her by her shoulders and shake her. It wasn't any of her business what you do after work, right? This was crazy. 

“It’s not during work. I finished everything.”

“You scheduled a date during your working hours, and you're just going to rush out of here without finishing it?”

“I did finish. And everyone else left hours ago. ” You can’t help but protest, pulling out your notepad and flipping to all the tasks she'd given you earlier that day. Every single one of them was checked off. You had even started on some of the tasks you knew needed to be done tomorrow. You show her as much, but she doesn't seem impressed. She doesn’t even glance at it.

“And yet,” Jackie says slowly, gesturing to a fat stack of papers on her desk. “Your work remains.” 

“That’s not—that’s not fair,” you insist, suddenly feeling childish. The words just fall out, shaky and small. Like you're ten years old and being denied recess. It only makes you feel so much younger than you are, especially when standing in front of Jackie Taylor.

“Fair?”

Jackie scoffs, standing up out of her seat and walking up to you. You can barely stammer out an excuse before she’s grabbing onto your tie, right near the top where her fist curls around and pulls. You follow the motion unconsciously, gasping as it tightens around your throat and makes it harder to breathe. It’s not as bad when you lean down, eye to eye with Jackie for maybe the first time ever.

“Enough,” Jackie says, staring you straight in the eyes. You gulp, nodding rapidly and gasping as it tightens your tie around your throat. Her tone is cold and as firm as you've ever heard it. It goes straight through you in a way that's entirely too pleasant. It takes effort to avoid doing something humiliating.

Suddenly she’s off, pulling you by the tie behind her as she leads you through the office building, stumbling after her. She almost shoves you into your chair, your body hitting the chair with a thud that sends the chair back into the wall. Jackie leans down, one arm braced on the chair on the other side of your head. You’re breathing far too quickly for someone sitting on their ass in an office building.

“You’re not going on that date.”

You nod, again, at a loss for words. Jackie stomps off, and you take a moment to loosen your tie around your neck and try not to gasp too loudly for breath as you do. She slams the paperwork down on your desk with a thud, sparing one glance to the clock in the corner of the floor before heading back to her office.

What a bummer.

…

When you come in the next day, it’s to see security dragging out the friend you’d talked to about your date the day before out of Jackie’s office. She’s crying, a box of her things clutched in her arm as they escort her toward the elevator. You watch with wide eyes until the elevator doors close behind her, slowly turning to face Jackie’s office only to see her leaning in the doorway watching you.

She gives you a little wave with her fingers, a smug look on her face, before she turns and disappears into her office like nothing’s even happened. You sit down wearily at your desk, slowly starting your computer up as you stare in the direction of Jackie’s office, like the walls could explain what just happened.

How is this your life?

…

The screen of your computer starts to feel like it’s staring back at you in what you’re sure is a side effect of only pretending to work. You had run out of things to do at least an hour ago, when you had last been brave enough to glance toward the clock, and have been clicking around on Excel to look busy ever since. 

Normally your days ended in a rush, struggling to finish what you’ve been assigned, but as you’re going on twelve straight hours of sitting in this chair, even Jackie ran out of tasks to give you.

“You’ll think of something,” she had assured you two hours ago before she slipped into a Zoom meeting you weren’t invited to. A group of investors halfway across the world that would only meet on their time, you're sure. 

The only question was why you still have to be here. Sure, you’re her assistant and all, but it wasn’t like she was actually letting you do anything at the moment. You reach for your coffee—cold. You look out the window—dark. You click another row, highlighting a row of numbers.

“Now,” Jackie calls out, and you can’t smile at the command. Smile. You’re so bored sitting here that you’re actually excited to be given more work. Like a dog summoned for a chore. She might as well give you a leash with how eager you are to do what she says. You hurry up and into her office, trying not to look too relieved as you stand by her desk. 

Despite calling you over, she doesn’t immediately give you something to do. She doesn’t even look at you as she types away at her computer, far too focused on whatever she was doing to even spare you a glance. Not a word, not a glance, not even a flicker of acknowledgement. That was… that was something.

You shift your weight from foot to foot as you stand there, hands resting by your sides as your fingers tap against your pants pockets idly. Does she want you to announce yourself or just wait for her to start speaking? Maybe this was your task, just to stand here waiting like an extra in an office movie without a speaking line. You wish you could see the screen from this angle, if only to see what she was working on.

A spreadsheet? An email? A memo from an office where assistants had something to do?

You start to wonder if she forgot you’re standing here when she suddenly starts to speak. “I need you to get on your knees.”

“Ex–excuse me?” You ask, wondering if you somehow heard her wrong. This was the kind of thing women like Jackie said in movies. A very specific type of movie that you wouldn’t admit to ever watching.

“Don’t be weird,” she says, rolling her eyes as she pushes away from her desk. Clearly unimpressed with the way you’re staring at her in shock and a tiny bit of awe. She waves her pantyhose-covered foot in your direction. “Help me put my heels on.”

Her heels are sitting just under the desk, where they always are when she’s alone in her office. She barely sits down before she slips them off, as you’ve witnessed a hundred times. You can’t imagine that they were all that comfortable, so you never questioned it. You’ve also never been asked to help her put them on before, either.

“My back hurts,” she adds, a light blush coloring her cheeks at the admission. That ten or so years on you catching up on her, it seems. You soften slightly, eyeing her heels with a sigh as you slowly sink to your knees on her carpeted office floor. This definitely was not in your job description.

The floor was firm beneath your knees, the kind of cheap carpet you only find in office buildings or schools. There was barely enough cushioning there for you to even consider it carpeting, but it was enough to stop the position from actively being uncomfortable for the moment. A win for you after a long day of losses. You almost have to crawl under the desk to reach her shoes, an activity not helped by the way Jackie plants herself in her chair like a tree, not moving even an inch out of the way to make the whole endeavor easier for you.

You wonder if a part of her just enjoys humiliating you. Moreover, you wonder how fucked up you have to be to like that thought. They’re lighter in your hand than you imagined them being. You’re surprised by the thought even as it crosses your mind, looping one finger through the straps of both heels as you shuffle back on your knees and raise them up questioningly.

“Do you see any other shoes down there?” She answers. You huff as you sit them on the ground by the side of her desk. Maybe it would’ve been a dumb question if the woman hadn’t owned so many pairs of shoes. You’ve been here for months and months, and she’s barely even repeated an outfit. Her closets must have closets, okay? It makes sense to check. You might have said such if looking up at her from this angle didn’t make your throat feel like it was closing up whenever you caught so much as a glance at the hem of her skirt so close to your face. 

It was like the protective glass in the museum had disappeared.

“I don’t, Ms. Taylor.”

She nods, gesturing down to her foot impatiently. Slowly, like you’re waiting for her to slap your hand away, you pick up the shoe and bring it toward her foot. You start with the easy one, her left foot hanging in the air where she has her leg crossed over the other. As your fingers run over the expensive red bottom, you worry about your mediocrity rubbing off on it. It wasn’t the type of shoe people in your tax bracket tended to see this closely, let alone touch. There you are, fumbling with something that probably costs more than your rent.

Jackie doesn’t say much as she sits above you, just watching you with those eyes of hers like she was taking in every single detail of it. You hold the bottom of her shoe to the sole of her foot with one hand as you draw the straps around her ankle, fiddling with the clasp for an embarrassingly long moment before you figure it out. It was far too small, making your fingers feel abnormally large and clumsy.

She’s still silent in a way that’s unusual for her. You can’t imagine her being this quiet in an office full of people, so she has to be at least somewhat affected by your presence. The idea is more soothing than it should be, relaxing you enough for you to move on to her next shoe with far more confidence than you had started with.

It’s the only reason you find yourself grabbing her ankle firmly, squeezing with enough pressure to force a gasp past her lips as you lift her foot off the ground. You slip her heel on with the same gentle dedication you did with the first, feeling brave enough to stroke her ankle with your thumb as you clasp her shoe together.

That bravery carries just long enough for you to sit her heel back on the ground, hands pressing against your thighs as you start to rise to your feet only to suddenly be pinned back against the edge of the desk by one heeled foot. The desk digs into your back, a complement to the feeling of the sharp tip of her heel pressing into your chest. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, quite literally.

There’s an effortless authority in the gesture that has you remaining tight-lipped, not able to voice a single protest about the treatment even if you had wanted to. You aren’t sure that you did. Whether you could muster up the courage, you’ll never know, because Jackie pulls her foot away just as quickly as she had positioned it there. 

She’s not even touching you anymore, but you swear you can still feel the echo of it against you. The lack of sleep was probably making you hallucinate. That was probably the explanation for why you swear that Jackie seemed contemplative for a moment before she let you go.

“Are you ready?” you ask, looking down at her in her chair as you rise unsteadily to your feet. Her eyes are wide. Just wide enough that you start to wonder if you somehow crossed a line during the whole thing. Maybe holding her ankle still the way you did was a little too much for someone like her.

“No.”

You try not to visibly deflate as you stare out the windows of her office longingly. 

“Yes, ma’am,” you murmur. Jackie makes a little sound that you can only assume is dismissive at the words.

There went any chance of getting a decent night's sleep. Not, of course, that you’ve gotten one in months. If you aren’t at work, you’re dreaming of it anymore. Lately your dreams have taken on a singular nature that you can’t think about right now lest Jackie somehow read it out of your mind.

“No,” she repeats. “You go on ahead. I just need to finish something up.”

“Okay.” You aren’t giving her a chance to take it back as you give her a little wave and hurry your way out of her office and pull your jacket right off your chair. As you wait for the elevator, you hear a noise that sounds suspiciously breathy, but you put it out of your mind. Tonight, at least, the only date you have is with your mattress.

…

That constant brush, brush, brush of Jackie's bare thigh against your slacks during the dinner with investors you definitely aren't important enough to be invited to is driving you insane. No, you're past insane. Took a left at Crazy Town and blew through the stop signs to keep on driving. 

At first you were willing to brush it off as mere coincidence, but now you know better. It was too deliberate of a touch for it to be anything but a purposeful attack on your restraint. A brush here or there was fine—understandable, even. The too-cramped chairs crowded together around the table lent themselves to that excuse fairly handily until that slow drag of skin started, too undeniable in its intentions.

It’s just—you’ve thought about it, dreamed about it, even, but you never actually thought it could happen. Jackie’s actions, as blatant as they sometimes felt, could always be explained away by misinterpretation or just someone lacking boundaries until now. Everything you’ve wanted for months is being presented to you on a silver platter right now, and all you have to do is take it. 

That time you would usually take to think these kinds of things through has gone out the window. You don’t want to think. You don’t want to wait. Not when she’s so obviously asking for it.

Fine, you can let Jackie win. You’ve found so far that she usually does, but it doesn’t mean that you have to go down without a fight. You slip your non-dominant hand beneath the table casually, only to rest it firmly on her thigh. 

She tenses in the seat next to you, fork halfway to her lips and trembling just the slightest amount before she recovers. A question posed to her by an investor that Jackie answers masterfully, betrayed only by the minuscule quiver to her voice as your pinky curls beneath the hem of her dress. 

Her eyes bore into the side of you whenever she gets a moment away from the conversation, but you don’t want to look over at her and give away the game. You aren’t about to give up the free food they keep putting in front of you. Jackie doesn’t pay you enough to afford eating here. It only seems to irritate her more each time you bring your fork up to your lips like your hand isn’t where it is.

You don’t move your hand beyond that for a while, letting it be a constant weight that Jackie grows used to before you strike. Jackie seems almost relieved as you move your hand toward her knee. Relieved, but disappointed too. Both those emotions disappear as you slip your hand beneath her dress. 

Slowly at first, gauging her reaction before you get too far. There’s nothing on her face to give her away besides a light flush that could be attributed to a number of things, but then she carefully disguises spreading her legs for you as shifting in her chair. It was a barely-there parting of her knees, an invitation disguised as indifference—a Jackie Taylor specialty, lately—but it’s enough.

Bingo.

Her hand wraps around your wrist, fingers pressing hard enough to bruise. Hard enough to remind you who’s really in charge here It’s not a no or a stop. You know that much immediately. It was too possessive for that.

Can’t have any ideas going to your head, right?

That’s okay. 

That’s your favorite part.

**

“You can go home after you drop me off,” Jackie addresses her driver, fingers tapping away as she drafts an email on her phone. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen her stop working. 

What would that even take short of a minor miracle or a lotto win?

You slump down in your seat, looking up at the ceiling as you try not to visibly react. You must have really fucked something up at dinner if she wasn’t letting her driver take you home. Could she fire you for that when she was the one spreading her legs? You felt sure enough in the moment that you could’ve updated your job description to include it, but now you can feel the dread creeping up your throat.

Jackie nudges you with her knee, confusion slipping into concern into disappointment when you don't immediately respond to her flirty smile. Her lips purse before she catches herself and turns away as she tries to reel it back in. You don’t let her.

“He can go home because…” You trail off, needing to hear her say it. Just once. None of that ambiguity she’s been teasing you along with.

She hesitates, thumbs hovering over her phone indecisively. You imagine there must be a lot more risk to her answering that question than there was to you asking. She was your boss, after all, and the one that would ultimately get in trouble if she came onto you unwillingly. It would be her name splashed across the papers in the end, with you as nothing more than an unnamed twenty-something assistant. 

“You’re coming home with me,” Jackie confirms, shoulders straightening as she regains that air of confidence you know so well.

“Yeah, alright.” The words come out too quickly through nerves. 

“Yeah, alright,” Jackie mutters. “What am I thinking? Wait, hold on. Did you think I was going to make you walk home?”

You avoid eye contact as you suddenly find something far more interesting to look at through the heavily tinted windows. Mostly, you can just see Jackie’s reflection behind you as she shakes her head and turns her attention back to her phone. Dedicated to the end, that one. You half expect her to pull her phone out when you finally get down to it to shoot off one last email, but you hope even she has enough sense to leave it on a table somewhere.

Would she consider that foreplay? Her eyes scanning across her phone with one hand entwined in your hair, guiding you exactly where she wants you. Not rushed or frantic, not even affected by you as she works. Like it’s something she’s come to expect. Sending off an email while you’re between her legs, maybe even signing off with Best regards as you make her come.

The idea sends you down a line of thought that involves sexy emails before you can decide how ridiculous the concept is. 

You can imagine her sitting in a bed—you’ve never seen it, but you imagine it as the sprawling monstrosity it must be, far too large for her and covered in pillows with the softest sheets on the market—shooting you off an email. No subject line, just a message: Review Attached. Urgent. Maybe a photo, maybe something more.

It sounds like a fast track to an HR violation. Probably illegal. Definitely unethical. That might be what makes it fun for her. She’s never been all that shy.��

Jackie’s still sitting beside you, typing away. You wonder if she knows the effect she’s having on you without even trying as the driver pulls up to the front of her building. She pats your thigh affectionately as you start to open the door, sliding across the seat to slip out behind you.

Right. 

This was happening.

You follow behind Jackie on the way up to her apartment, if you could call the penthouse an apartment. You’ve never actually set foot inside this building despite how many times you’ve waited in the car with her driver, but you can’t bear to look at anything besides Jackie now that  you know how the night is going to end. It’s not like you won’t have time to look at the lobby during your inevitable walk of shame whenever Jackie kicks you out.

She steps inside her penthouse with that regal air that always follows her around the office, setting her things down with seemingly no rhyme or reason to their placement. There's some form of organization to it, but just like her desk, you find that it's a mystery to prying eyes. Just the way she likes it. 

Jackie saunters over to you, thumbs hooking in your belt as she presses herself up against your chest. 

“Ms. Taylor,” you murmur instinctively, flushing when it makes Jackie let out a low laugh.

“Not here,” she answers, pausing to consider before shaking her head. “Not right now, anyway. Maybe…”

If she has something else to say, she keeps it to herself.

You can work with that.

“Jackie,” you amend, enjoying the way the syllables feel in your mouth.

“Sounds nice when you say it.” A smile spreads across her lips. A real one, not the one she gives investors. It’s nice. “Again.” 

“Jackie.” 

The name barely leaves your lips before her lips are on yours, gentle but insistent as she rests a hand on your face to tilt your chin down. She kisses you like she’s been waiting for it, holding back just long enough to really savor it—savor you—before she fully commits to it. Her palm is so warm that you can feel the entirety of her hand against your skin as she guides you with that same quiet authority she always has. 

Even that has nothing on the way her tongue feels brushing against you as she parts her lips, coaxing rather than demanding, as you would’ve expected from her. It’s maddening in its contrast, enough to make you feel dizzy as you chase after her when she tries to pull away for air. She smiles against your lips, allowing you a few more desperate moments before she pushes you away with gentle hands.

Not a rejection, just a pause, but damn if it doesn’t feel that way for a moment. You stumble back half a step, already missing the feeling of her lips against yours. She’s the kind of woman you can get addicted to, and you’re already starting to fear what that might mean for the future.

Her chest moves rapidly as she catches her breath, drawing your attention down and down until you can’t help but sneak a peek down the top of her blouse. You didn’t figure she would mind all that much. In fact, she seems to welcome the attention as she strokes a lazy thumb along your jaw. It feels more affectionate than it should be and more than a little possessive.

She slips her hand down from your belt, sliding into each of your pockets and emptying them. Keys, wallet, headphones—whatever you have on you ends up strewn across the table by the door. Her eyes don’t leave yours, but her fingers return to hook her fingers into the waistband of your slacks. 

Jackie tugs, and you follow. Willingly. Happily. You would follow her anywhere she likes right about now. If only she wasn’t so smug about it, but then you might not like her half as much as you do. She leads you right into her bedroom without a moment of hesitation.

You’re not sure what you’re more impressed about: the fact that she’s walking backward through her apartment or the fact that she’s doing it in those heels. 

Jackie's just barely through the doorway before you surge forward, pressing her back against the wall and trapping her hands between your bodies. She manages to free her hands with nothing short of a smirk, but all thoughts of protest slip away as you slot your knee between hers. 

She gasps, grabbing at the back of your shirt as you drag her hips forward. It's taken as the hint it was, Jackie picking it right up as you split your attention between helping her grind against your thigh and mouthing at her neck. You want so badly to suck on that perfect, unmarked skin of her neck. To bite down and leave her with more than just a memory of the night, but more than anything you want to still have a job in the morning. 

You'll save it for somewhere she can hide it. You're generous like that. She should be grateful she has such an amazing assistant. 

You can't feel her as much as you want to through the fabric of your pants, but the warmth of her as she rolls her hips up against your thigh is undeniable. That wet drag of fabric as she lets out the best little noises against your ear before turning her head to bury it into your neck. 

A hand comes up to tangle in your hair, pulling your head back as she takes a turn with the skin peeking out above the collar of your dress shirt. 

“Jackie, fuck.” 

“Just—just stay there,” Jackie demands. She has none of the same concern for leaving marks on you that you had for her, seeming to delight in the concept. It only makes her more eager to move against your thigh. 

“You're the boss.” 

“I am.” The words are almost thoughtful as she pushes you a step back, hands resting on your shoulders. 

She doesn’t give you a second to get your bearings together before she’s pushing you back onto her bed with a strength you weren’t aware she possessed.

She’s got one of your shoes untied before you even manage to prop yourself up on your elbows to look at her, pulling one and then the other off in a flash. 

“Scoot up,” Jackie says, pointing one finger up at her pillows.

(Just as many as you expected there would be.)

You settle down somewhere in the middle of them, looking for reassurance only to find Jackie kicking off her heels at the foot of the bed. She reaches behind her back, and her dress comes off with far less gravitas than you were expecting. Maybe she lost her desire to make a show out of it somewhere between your hand slipping up her dress and being pinned against the wall.

Either way, you couldn't help but stare. Slowly she puts one knee on the bed, crawling up to your side and giving you another kiss.

“Jackie,” you murmur afterward, hands reaching for her hips to pull her onto your lap. Jackie takes only a moment to swing her leg over your hip before settling down. You run your hands up her bare thighs the moment you get a chance to, finally seeing the legs that have been taunting you all night.

She doesn’t rush you now like she rushed you back into her room. She just watches, letting you explore. And explore you do, taking in every inch of skin that’s been presented to you until Jackie sighs, grabbing your tie and rolling it around her fist as she forces your attention back on her face. 

“Is that all you’re going to do?” Jackie asks, leaning close enough that you can feel the words about as much as you can hear them. 

“I was getting there.” 

You cut Jackie off before she starts to say whatever snide retort she has at the go, fingertips slipping just beneath the waistband of her panties before she catches your wrist and stops you. 

“Say please,” she orders, eager enough that you're sure she wouldn't be able to actually follow through if you didn't. There was a chance, though. Jackie was so stubborn at times.

A part of you enjoys following her orders. Enough that you do it without much thought.

“Please.”

Jackie’s expression shifts immediately into satisfaction, a reward that you’re happy to indulge in. Her hand pulls tighter around your tie, almost choking you as she slips her panties off. She won't give you enough room to look at anything other than her face—flushed and hungry—leaving you to blindly move your hand to find her entrance. 

She's wet enough that it takes a moment, fingers sliding across damp skin until you finally find what you're looking for. Her eyes meet yours and don't look away, hips rising just enough to sink down on your fingers with a breathy sigh. 

The tie tightens again as she exhales through her teeth, rolling her hips down impatiently enough that it clues you in on what to do.

“Shit, sorry,” you mutter, meeting her thrust for thrust as she settles into a rhythm.

A hand cracks across your cheek. Not enough to bruise, but enough to sting as you watch her through wide eyes. The skin tingles, feeling like it shoots adrenaline through your body. Fuck, you want her to do it again. 

“Should’ve expected you’d need help with this too.” The words are harsh, but the way the end breaks into a moan as you curl your fingers is enough to soothe the wound. 

You don’t bother to answer. You just give her what she wants, fingers working in fast, deliberate strokes that make her thighs tremble. Jackie leans into it, chasing that pleasure with every roll of her hips. Her hand shakes from the effort of holding onto your tie so tightly, but her eyes stay locked onto yours like she was daring you to look away.

When your palm presses against her clit, the noise she lets out is far needier than anything else you’ve heard from her tonight. Maybe ever. It was light at first, then firmer at her reaction. All you want to do is please her. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. It was quite literally your job, though this application was far outside your job description.

Her head tilts up, finally breaking eye contact as she lets go of your tie to hold onto your shoulders. You sit up, one arm wrapping around the small of her back to hold her as she buries her face into your shoulder. She clenches hard around you at the change in angle, whining into your neck as she speeds up. You hold still now, letting her set the pace as you grind your palm up against her.

You murmur her name against her ear, peppering the skin there with kisses as you splay your hand out across her back.

She’s close. You can hear it in her breathing as it hits her, that hitch right before she clenches hard around you and all but collapses into your chest. Each jerky thrust of her hips only further signifies her release as she rides it through.

It hits her hard. Not loudly, but intensely.

“Fuck,” Jackie breathes into your shoulder, shuddering on your lap as she clutches at you. You slip your fingers out gently to a sound of protest, squeezing her hip as Jackie pulls herself closer. 

She feels so comfortable in your lap, so warm and content, that you don’t ever want her to leave. Dangerous feelings to have about your boss, but ones that feel more undeniable the longer she remains curled up on top of you.

…

It’s thirty minutes into what Jackie described as a quote, quick, five minutes—really, you should’ve known better than to trust her when you had her calendar right there—that you feel a hand on your thigh. Her hand had slipped beneath the table ten minutes ago, but it’s the first time that it’s made itself known since then.

You stiffen in your seat, gripping your pen tighter as you slowly resume taking notes. There’s a line through the last sentence you wrote, a result of you jerking your hand in surprise, that you already dread having to copy over later. That was, presumably, the reason she dragged you along to this meeting in the first place. You’re starting to suspect she has ulterior motives for the whole thing.

She sneaks a peek at you as she rests her head on her hand, a carefully bored expression betrayed only by the way her lips twitch into something of a smile when she catches you staring back. Her hand slides up higher now that she can watch the journey your face goes through as you try to hide it. You can feel the blush crawling up your neck as you stare down at the notepad.

Jackie squeezes once, her touch lightening up for a moment before you nudge her leg with your knee. It only emboldens her.

You’re afraid of being pulled into HR later, but the way that the woman from HR is very carefully avoiding looking at either of you negates that possibility in your mind. You wonder what Jackie must have on her, considering how much joy Misty always takes in handing out violations and pulling people into her office.

The thought of Jackie blackmailing the HR lady has you squirming in your seat for an entirely different reason. It makes sense that your boss must have screwed over a lot of people to get where she is now, but you’ve never really thought about it all that much. Then, you think of your friend that Jackie had fired for nothing more than overhearing the two of you gossiping about your date. Gone like that with nothing more than a snap of her carefully manicured fingers.

Jackie was never shy about lauding that power she has over you, over everyone in her office, but the thought of it extending outside of even that was delightful. She was a handful, wasn’t she? Speaking of a handful—

She squeezes your thigh suddenly, fingers higher than they were before. It’s rougher this time, nails digging into skin through the fabric of your slacks like she’s trying to bruise you. A punishment for zoning out when she so obviously wants your attention. It’s not like you can explain to her that you’re thinking about her anyway, so all you can do is take it as you try not to visibly react in the middle of the meeting.

That woman can have such a temper when she wants to. You aren’t about to stop her from taking it out on you.

Jackie leans in, lips almost pressed against your ear as she whispers, “Pay attention.”

“...Of course,” you say, feigning a helpful smile. It’s hard to act respectful to someone whose tongue was in your mouth on the car ride here. The little smirk on Jackie’s face tells you that she feels the same.

**

“Maybe we shouldn’t…” Jackie says, sounding unconvinced even as she speaks the words. Maybe you would believe her more if it wasn’t the third time she’s said it only to kiss you again

“Shut up,” you murmur, one hand on her chin as you stop her from looking away. “You wouldn’t have spent twenty minutes feeling me up in that meeting if you didn’t want it.”

Her grin is devilish as it breaks her look of innocence as she shrugs, pushing the door to her office shut behind you with one heeled foot as she wraps her arms tighter around your shoulders. “Can’t a girl add some spark to her relationship without wanting something?”

“This one can’t.”

She kisses you again, which is answer enough.

Everyone else on the floor was away at lunch, a fact Jackie had assured herself of after walking out of the elevator after your meeting. It had only taken one quick glance before she had pulled you down by the collar of your shirt into that first kiss, and it had only escalated from there. 

You’re dimly aware there are cameras around the floor even if not in her office, a fact she had slyly mentioned to you a few days prior, but Jackie doesn’t seem to mind that she’s potentially giving security a hell of a show. Knowing her, she probably found a way for the cameras to mysteriously be down before you even left the meeting.

“Eager,” she accuses breathlessly as the two of you stumble into her office until the backs of her thighs hit her desk. Jackie starts to lift herself up onto it, already an idea formed in her head about what you’ll be doing.

You surprise her, for once, pulling her close and then spinning her around with hands on her hips. There’s not even an ounce of hesitation in her as she lets you lead her, laughing in startled delight as she braces her palms against the wood, her chest pressing flat against the surface as she wiggles her hips back into you.

You have to slap her hands away as she reaches behind her for the zipper of her skirt, briefly devolving into a little spat as she twists her head back to glare at you before you grab it yourself to pull it off of her.

She mutters something under her breath as her fingers grip the edge of her desk hard enough for her knuckles to whiten, spreading her legs wider as she’s freed from her tight skirt. You pull her panties off next, already soaked from a combination of her toying with you in the meeting and the fooling around on the way here. These you don’t carefully fold up like you did her skirt, instead surreptitiously slipping them into your pocket for later.

Jackie, utterly unaware of what's going on behind her, arches herself higher without a thought of shame in a silent reminder that she was still here. As if you could forget with the way she looks bent over her desk. You pop her on the ass, barely hard enough to sting but enough for Jackie to make an affronted noise and try to push herself up onto her elbows.

That you stop quickly. One hand pressing down between her shoulder blades is enough to make her go prone again, squirming beneath the touch until you slip a hand between her legs. You couldn’t resist the urge, not with her bent over like that in front of you. She was practically asking for it. Besides, she’s easy to make things up to.

“You're so wet,” you say, sighing as you make contact. You don't touch her where she wants immediately, and she's not a fan of it. Too used to demanding to be made to ask for it. There was time yet for her to learn. “Feel so good.” 

“You're fired,” she insists. 

You drag a fingertip through her, dipping inside to collect her wetness as you bring a finger up to her clit. Just a line, back and forth, over and over. Not enough to rub her off like she's so clearly aiming for as she tries in vain to move back against your hand, but enough to work her up. 

“Are you going to update my job description when you hire the next one?”

Before she can answer, you start to circle your finger around her clit, firmer now and enough for her to lose her train of thought. 

“Do—don't,” she breaks into a whine, “say that. I've just got you house-trained.” 

“You act like I'm a dog.” 

Jackie doesn't say anything. 

“Jackie.” It's meant to sound chiding, but it comes out far too affectionate to achieve that. 

Taking advantage of your moment of weakness, Jackie grips the desk for leverage as she grinds back against your hand. A silent plea for your fingers that you're happy to indulge her in. 

Fingertips slide back, teasing Jackie before sliding right in. She moans, hips jerking backward to take them deeper. 

“Fuck me,” Jackie says—no, demands—as she clenches tight around them. She takes them easily, like she always does. It feels like she was made for it, as sappy as it sounds. 

“So pretty,” you say, and Jackie shudders against the desk. “Yeah? You want to hear—”

“Don't,” she interrupts, aiming for stern and falling short by a mile, “let it go to your head.” 

“Of course, Ms. Taylor,” you say. 

“Touch me.” A demand. Always a demand. Has she ever asked you for anything?

Would you want her to? 

“I am.”

“You know what I mean,” Jackie insists. 

You reluctantly removed your hand from her shoulder blades to rub her clit, an action that's immediately followed by Jackie propping herself up on her elbows to fuck herself back on your fingers. You suspect that might have been the whole point. 

She was too smart for her own good sometimes, but not this time. Not with the way she moans as she buries her face into her arms, doing her best to get herself off with what little leverage she has. The muscles in her thighs tremble, exertion or pleasure you're not sure, but her heels only seem to further showcase her legs. 

It doesn't take long after that, not with the two of you working together to get her off. She's nearly silent as she comes, a fact that has less to do with your performance and more to do with how she's bitten her arm. Nearly silent, because even that can't completely silence a noise you're sure would echo down the hallways. 

She's come hard this time, maybe harder than you've seen her yet. Something about feeling you up in that meeting really got to her, or maybe it was just doing it in her office for the first time. You look around her office as you aimlessly rub the outside of her thigh as she breathes heavily into the desk and decide that must be it. 

Jackie looks pleased as she finally stands, grabbing onto your shoulder as she straightens out. It's not so much a smile that gives her away, not in her office of all places, but the lack of the stress she was wearing in the elevator ride up. 

“That's going on your performance review.” 

“To be a fly on the wall in HR when you submit that,” you say. 

“Maybe I'd leave that out,” she muses. “A raise, maybe.”

“A raise?” Your voice comes out higher than it should be, a little offended at the idea. Maybe you shouldn't be. It was so Jackie to try to reward you for good sex with more benefits to your job. Good behavior, good sex. What’s the difference? She was annoyingly efficient. “You're not paying me to—” 

“To what?” She gives you an expectant look, but not a single second to answer, let alone think. “Do you think you can tell me what I can and can't do?”

Oh.

You shake your head. 

“No,” she confirms, wrapping a hand loosely around your neck as she guides you to the other side of her desk. She keeps your head tilted toward a wall, ensuring you can't get a good look at her. “I want your mouth.”

“Oh—okay,” you agree. 

“And when you're done, you're going to go out there and write me an email about why you deserve a raise. It better be persuasive, ‘Kay?”

She squeezes your cheeks together in a way you're entirely too aware is unflattering, shaking you lightly back and forth before bringing her hand down across your cheek. Harder than last time, but still careful enough not to leave a lasting mark. Probably too aware of what people would think if you came back from your lunch break with a bruised face. 

You open your mouth as she presses her fingers against your lips, middle and ring fingertips rubbing against your tongue as you close your lips around them. Jackie hums pleasantly when you start to suck, tongue running along the outside of her fingers and then slipping between them. She just watches until she gets bored of it, smearing her spit-soaked fingers across the lower half of your face until she tires of that too. 

“Hold this.” Jackie lifts the end of your tie up to your mouth, nodding encouragingly as you hesitantly bite the end of it. You sink to your knees shortly after, a result of two unblemished hands pushing down on either shoulder. 

She sits back regally in her office chair with an ease you're almost jealous of. 

“Thanks,” she says as she gently pulls the tie free, almost immediately yanking you forward. Your hands grip her thighs, splayed out wide to support her as she scoots further down in her chair to throw a leg over your shoulder. 

“You look good on your knees. Should keep you there, don't you think?”

You gape up at her, searching for a reply that Jackie doesn't actually want to hear as she pulls you in. Just like that, you have a mouthful of Jackie Taylor's cunt. 

Jackie fists the tie around her hand, wrapped tightly as she holds you right where she wants you. One leg over your shoulders as you do less of eating her out and more of staying still while she fucks your face however she pleases. All you can do is flatten your tongue and let her use your mouth. 

“Just like that,” Jackie praises, rocking her hips to press more of her clit against your tongue. She's relentless, riding your face like you haven't already made her come today. You’re not sure you can ever get enough of her. Thankfully, the feeling is mutual.

It was hot. Hot, wet flesh rubbing against your tongue. Your lips. The way she smears herself across your face, mixing in with the spit left dripping from your open mouth. Wet, messy, and perfect. Right on her office chair—the place you've imagined having her for months.

Some rational part in the back of your mind hopes you haven't stained your clothes too badly before you have to go back out. 

You can't get any breaths around Jackie's thrusting, but that wasn't a problem. You took every breath she allowed you for what it was: a gift. 

Grateful. 

She likes you grateful. 

Jackie ruts mindlessly against your tongue, her heel digging into your back through your shirt as she tenses and gasps. You grab onto her thighs then, your mind finally catching up to you as you help work her through her orgasm now that she's a little too relaxed to do it herself. 

The lazy thrusts finally come to an end when she can't stand it anymore, letting go of your tie and absently tugging it looser just to watch the way you pant for air on your knees in front of her. She’s gentler now in the aftermath, not that she was ever that rough. But it was nice.

Jackie was something of a cuddler, you’ve noticed. It wasn’t something she could really indulge in at the moment, and given the hint of a pout gracing her lips, it seems to take a toll on her.

“Well?” Jackie says finally, patting a hand against your cheek patronizingly. She checks the time on her computer, starting to pull away now that she’s made the most she can of your lunch break. “Don't you have an email to write?”

Look. You take a lot of shit from Jackie. Most of the time it was hot, really hot. The kind of hot that makes you shift in your seat and count down the minutes until you can take care of it, one way or another. But this was a little too much, even for you. That Ms. Taylor thing can really go to her head. 

Jackie squeals as you yank her legs back apart, cursing under her breath as you dive back into her cunt. She doesn't protest, far from it, as she grabs a fistful of your hair and squirms beneath your tongue. You have to make an effort to hold her down now, to keep her from pulling away entirely. She's far too sensitive for such direct attention, but the fact that she can barely stand it is part of what makes it so good. 

It's so good it brings tears to her eyes, silent ones that trail down her face and past wide-open lips as she cries out. 

**

“I’m just gonna go wash up,” you say, lips brushing against her knee before pressing a departing kiss against it.

Jackie nods wearily, still catching her breath as she slumps back into her chair. You can hear her quiet breathing as she lets her eyes slip shut as you leave, carefully shutting the door behind you even though there’s no one outside her office.

By the time you get back from the bathroom, most of your colleagues have returned from lunch, and you slip in perfectly fine with the crowd. Not that it would’ve been suspicious that you’d worked through lunch with how hard Jackie always drives you. 

Speaking of Jackie, her office door has been propped back open like normal to maintain that open-door policy she always likes to go on about. Her face is carefully flushed as you peer in, letting her know you’ve returned from lunch like you always do. Jackie’s legs are crossed tightly beneath her desk as she gives you a look that’s just the right amount of panicked. 

You pat the left pocket of your slacks meaningfully, grinning as she pales slightly at the gesture. She presses her legs tighter together, squirming in her seat. You slip your hand in your pocket as you walk back to your desk, carefully fingering the lace of her panties.

[lorcalush]

A Night at the Club

Pairing: Yelena belova(Thunderbolts*) x f!reader

Summary: After a long day at work, you head to a lively club with friends, hoping to shake off stress and maybe meet someone new. Amid the music and dancing, you lock eyes with a mysterious, rugged, blonde woman with a Russian accent who instantly captivates you.

Word Count: 2537

AN: This is literally the first fanfic I have ever written (and out of all the things it had to be a reader insert ofc). I kinda wrote this sort of as a experiment, since I've been reading fanfics for some time, but I've never written, so I'm open to constructive criticism and I hope you enjoy!

btw. english isn't my first language, so there might be some errors!

______________________________________________________

It was a late night at the club at 75th street. You had gotten back from your 9 to 5, to your apartment and changed into that pretty red dress you had bought a few weeks ago, it was a special dress since all your other club clothes were more conservative than you would like to admit. You had grown up in a household in which you couldn’t even go to school in a tank top, even if it was over 100. But now that you were young and out of your parent’s house, all off on your own, saving up and spending on a few night trips here, you had no one telling you what to wear. And tonight felt special, so little red dress it was. 

You had arrived at the club with some of your friends. You had wanted to go to this club for quite some time, hearing that it was a perfect place to find a hot new partner. After being dumped right before the night of your University graduation party, you had needed some space and time to heal, but after a few months out of school and into your new life, you knew it was time to get back in the game. 

Reggaeton and Pop blasted on the speakers as you danced and ordered drinks with your friends. Sweat running down your brow from all the dancing, your face glistening with a smile as your friends hyped you up on the dance floor. You definitely weren't the best dancer but that gave you all something to laugh about as you tried. You left the dance floor momentarily, going to go get a drink from the bar near the entrance. As you waited for your drink to be poured, you noticed the doors of the entrance opening, letting a group of people in and oh my God. 

In came three dirty and beaten individuals, all dressed rather awkward for a club and more like they had been running all night fighting for their lives, covered in sweat and dirt. A dark brown haired woman that had a bandage around her arm. A long black haired guy was holding a rag to his temple and the tall blond man with a beard next to him waddled in with a limp. You didn’t think too much of it, I mean it was New York after all there was weirdness at every corner, so you started to turn in your chair back to the bartender who handed you your drink. Then as they began to move, a fourth person emerged. In came a short messy blond haired girl with a small cut on her lip, looking rather fed up with her life and tired. Just one look was all it took for you to have your eyes glued on her, she walked to the other side of the bar, where the group of people she entered with had sat down, ordering drinks. The way she walked to the bar and downed the nearest shot, liquor running down her chin and onto her neck, made you feel something flutter deep down in your stomach. You had never seen someone so hot and gorgeous before and you knew that if you could muster up the courage to ask for her number, you would have won the lottery cause she looked like a dream. You could only hope she was as charming as she was attractive. You took your shot from the bar counter and downed it in one go, running over to your friends to tell them about this mysterious stranger you had seen.

“There she is!!!” you squealed to your friends who were on the side of the dance floor. 

“Wait, the short blond one that is all beaten up and sweaty???” 

“Yess! Isn’t she so breathtaking!”

One of your friends said teasingly “well if she’s so mesmerizing, why don’t you go and talk to her?”

You hid your face in your hands, “no, she’s way too fine to just go and talk to!”

One of your friends smiled mischievously. “Well then if you don’t feel confident enough to talk, how about you dance to get her attention.”

“What? You all know how terrible I am at dancing! And plus who does that?!”

“Um, everyone hot does that and you girl are looking like a show with that red dress of yours, so go get on that dance floor before she leaves!”

Your friends all moved your blushing self, to the dance floor. Even if the spot you were on was across from the otherside of the bar where the girl was chatting, your friends kept on slowly ushering you to cross the dance floor little by little. Honestly, you were still too shy to really dance and most of the songs were mid, so you shimmied awkwardly for a while in your spot, before scooting a bit towards the other side and over again. 

Once you were a little more than halfway through the dance floor, you could get a better look at her. She was still turned around facing the bartender and trying to balance a toothpick on the bar counter, while her friend holding what seemed like a piece of bent junk metal, that kinda looked like a taco, tried to win an arm wrestling contest with the darked hair and buff version of Kurt Cobain. You started to be relieved since she hadn’t seen you awkwardly moving through the dance floor, when all of a sudden, your favorite song came on. You quickly turned to your friends behind you and squealed in excitement with them. In the group chat, you guys had bet that they weren't gonna play this song since it was too obscure. You forgot about the attractive blond women sitting on a stool on the bar for a second and let yourself be consumed by the music. Jumping and singing with your friends to the beat of the song, holding your drinks in one hand and the other holding your friend’s hand as you all enthusiastically danced and sang to the music. Your friend holding your hand, stops for a second to spin you on the dance floor, your friends cheering you on. 

You spun, nearly spilling your drink, arms above your head, hair whipping in the air

And then you saw her.

Her eyes and yours meet through the haze of colored lights and crowded bodies.

Leaning back against the bar, one hand wrapped around her glass, the girl tilted her head ever so slightly, mid-sip. The overhead lights kissed her cheekbones, catching in her eyes, hazel, but not just hazel. They were smoldering gold and forest fire, warm and dangerous all at once. Eyes that didn’t just look at you, they studied you. 

You finished being spun by your friend and tried to regain your balance. Had she really looked at you? You turned around to the bar, once again making eye contact with her. Her eyes seemed to be undressing you slowly. 

She crossed her legs and lowered her drink, her lips curved into the ghost of a smile, subtle and knowing.

Heat runs up your face and you turn around immediately to your friends, who had noticed the little moment between you two. They’re all grinning like they already know how this night ends, and it’s not with you sleeping alone.

“Oh my god, she looked right at you,” one of your friends gasps, grabbing your arm like you might float away if they don’t anchor you.

“I can’t,” you whisper, shaking your head as you try to cool the fire blooming across your cheeks. “She’s too much, I can't!” you say. 

“Omg! The way she was looking at you? Like you were a dessert.”

You glance over your shoulder, just once, and instantly regret it. She’s still there. Still stupidly gorgeous. Her lips brushing the rim of her glass and you swear her eyes flick up again. Or maybe you're imagining it. You're panicking too much to know. 

“I’m not going over there, I’ll combust!”

“Then good thing you’ve got us,” your friend says, suddenly grabbing your hand.

Before you can protest, your friend’s hands are on your shoulders, gently guiding you through the crowd. You're half laughing and half panicking, nervous as hell. 

Each step makes your heartbeat louder. Every second closer, your thoughts scramble: What do I say? What if I stutter? What if she’s not into me? What if she is?

And then, you’re there. Right in front of her.

And she looks up, eyes gleaming with that same, unreadable warmth. Slow. Curious. Dangerous.

She sets her glass down and leans back just slightly, “Hey.” Her voice is smooth, low, wrapped in a thick Russian accent that hits you like gravity suddenly doubled. It rolls through you, unexpected and ridiculously attractive, sending a shiver down your spine and straight to your knees. For a split second, your brain short-circuits, like you forgot how language works.

After panicking for the millionth time this night, you turn back to look at your friends for help, they are already scrambling away, saying something about needing to get a fresh breath of air. You are for sure gonna beat them up later. 

Defeated and nervous, you turn and look at the woman in front of you, she is wearing a black leather jacket with padding on the elbows and shoulders. Why would anyone wear something like that to the club? Not that you were complaining, cause she looked absolutely lethal and divine. 

She notices your confused expression and says “ah, don’t mind my outfit and” she points at her face, “this, I just came back from umm work, what’s your name?”

Her tone seemed to hint that “work” was something secretive, so you didn’t ask any further. “Um it’s fine, I’m y/n, what’s yours?” You took a seat next to her at the bar, putting down your drink. Her friends hadn’t even realized you had taken a seat, they were too busy arguing, something about the cost of a coffee machine. 

She turned to you, looking up for a second, hesitating, before replying “it’s Yelena. Quite the show you were putting on out there on the dance floor, huh?”

You smiled “yeah, my friends threw me in there for the most part.”

“Really? And what was the other part that got you to dance so hot I started wondering who you were trying to impress?”

You sat there stunned, caught somewhere between laughing and forgetting how to breathe. Her voice wrapped around you like velvet, that damn accent making every word hit harder. You tried to think of something clever to say, but your heart was running at one hundred miles per hour. So instead, you glanced down at your drink, smiled shyly, and said, “Would it be too much if I said... maybe you?”

You looked towards her, her smile deepened, slow and electric. She must have known what she was doing to you. 

“How about I offer you a drink?” She asked. “What would you like?”

“How about I get a shot of what you're drinking?”

“Are you sure sweetheart? It’s vodka…” she raises her eyebrow at you. You smile back and nod, “it’s fine I haven’t had vodka in a while, might be good to have another try at it.” While it was true that you hadn’t drank vodka in a while, you felt like you needed a shot of something strong for confidence if you were gonna be talking with this woman for sometime.  

Yelena turned towards the bartender and ordered two shots of vodka. While the bartender served them up, she asked you “so, what brings you here to this club y/n?”

You looked down and fixed your dress, which was starting to ride low, pulling up the neckline and fidgeting with the hem, pulling it down. “Well, I haven’t gone out in some time to the club and tonight seemed like a special night, so now I’m here.”

She looked down at your dress, seeming to notice how you adjusted it “You look beautiful,” she said, her gaze flicking back to your eyes. “But it’s that spark in your step that made it impossible not to look twice at you on that dance floor.”

You couldn’t believe it. Was she really hitting on you??? ”Oh um thank you, I just really liked the song that came on”

She handed you your shot, “oooh yeah, that song is pretty good, I have no idea why clubs never play it”

“I know right! I mean, if they hadn’t played it, you probably wouldn’t have noticed me singing and dancing so hard, you know.” You took the small glass and eyed it for a second. 

“Well then, good thing they finally got the playlist right tonight, ’cause if they hadn’t, I might’ve missed the girl stealing the spotlight without even trying.” She clinked her glass gently against yours, her smile just a little crooked, a little dangerous. “And that would’ve been a damn shame.” 

She downs the shot and you do too. Please God, let this give me the confidence I need right now to just even look at her in the eyes you think. 

“Okay then, so why are you here?” you point to her friends ranting behind her, and “I’m guessing those are your colleagues?” 

She fidgets with her drink looking down, “oh well, we just finished a job and we needed something to relax before going home,” she turns around glancing rather disgusted at her friends who were chanting “one more, one more!” while the dark haired guy with a pissed off look on his face pulled out his wallet and told the bartender to get another round.

She turned back to you and signed, “and yeah, unfortunately those are my colleagues.”

You laughed, “Alright, I was worried one of them might be your boyfriend or something”

She burst out laughing, “My boyfriend? Please, if I had that bad of taste, I’d have bigger problems than my stupid coworkers.” She smirked, taking a slow sip of her drink. “No, I’m very much available… in case that’s what you were hoping for...”

“Maybe I was…”

“What about you?” she asked, looking up at you inquisitively.

“I’m open too” you say leaning a bit closer to her, that vodka must have been doing something to you, because you leaned a bit closer and with half lidded eyes that moved down her face from her eyes to her full lips. 

She licked her lips slowly, her tongue just grazing the corner of her mouth, before running her hand through her tousled blonde hair. Her fingers moved with lazy purpose, combing back the strands and letting them fall in a deliberately messy cascade behind her ear. The motion was effortless, sensual, like she knew exactly what it was doing to you. Her gaze never left yours as she leaned in just a touch closer, her voice low and thick with implication.

“Perfect, cause I wasn’t thinking of going home alone tonight.”

You swallowed hard, heart hammering. “Neither was I.”

[dw-opinions-you-wont-like]

15 is not being written to be as smart as he should be

Think about it, every other doctor gets to show themselves being really clever and figuring things out in almost every episode. But with 15, it's a rarity. Let's look at the current season -

In the robot revolution, the most clever thing he does is the every ninth word thing. But we don't know if he's the one who figured that out, and it’s not like it does much anyway.

Lux is basically the only time the doctor gets to show how clever he is, figuring out how to exit the fake world Lux put them in, but it’s short and doesn't make that much of an impact.

In the well, he does the whole mercury mirror thing which I thought was quite clever, but it doesn't even work because the creature latched on to Belinda making the side character sacrifice herself, or maybe the creature just stayed with Alice because there's one more life sign than there needs to be? Doesn't matter, the point is it didn’t actually work and the doctor gave the creature exactly what it wanted.

In lucky day he's basically not in.

In the story and the engine, okay so he follows the map braided into his hair to get through the maze, that's not bad (although why was there suddenly a maze). Then he tells his story which is the best story ever and that overwhelms the engine? Okay sure. That's not clever. That's just Doctor Who giving itself a pat on the back (again).

In the interstellar song contest, he is basically helpless without the two random strangers who happened to survive being able to do exactly what he needs. Since when does the doctor need someone else's expertise on stuff like this? Like it was just tech fiddling and holograms and stuff, we've seen him do stuff like that all the time. But THIS doctor needs other people's help.

And then of course there's wish world, in which for 99% of the episode he is just a dumb propaganda follower. He literally needs Rogue to send a message from super hell for him to really start doubting a world which by definition makes no sense. I've seen many people say they thought the doctor was pretending, just playing along to figure out what's going on, and yeah that makes sense for the doctor we all knew, but not this doctor. I knew he isn't pretending, because so far he's been characterized to just not be very insightful.

And that's bad because the doctor being clever and solving problems in a creative way is one of the best things about this show. Like, think how in Blink, the doctor tricks the angels to look at each other forever, or how in the day of the moon, the doctor uses the silence's power of suggestion to make the humans fight back against them, or how in heaven sent, he figures out that he can copy himself again and again using his own death to slowly break the wall to escape. Those are the moments which define doctor who. Did we get any with 15?

Also, and I'm definitely not any kind of authority on this so feel free to tell me if you think I'm wrong, it feels a bit racist. Not intentionally, I'm sure the team is doing their best. Just feels weird that the first doctor of color is also noticeably less clever than the others.

[stygiansauce]

So here I’m sitting, trying to work on one of my WIPs, and my brain goes, hey, yknow what is a fun head canon for MOE?

No? But I’m sure I’m about to be told.

Maybe it’s already canon to MOE, I can’t remember. But Tango can draw really really well. He doesn’t think he can, thinks he’s limited to engineering sketches. (Or doodles on the margins of proofreading papers) He especially can get frustrated when he finds himself sketching Jimmy. Because he doesn’t think he can ever draw Jimmy correctly. He’s wrong, he’s drawing Jimmy well enough most art students would weep, but he holds himself to impossible standards.

I don’t know, just the thought of Jimmy getting all flustered by finding a stash of these drawings of himself and he can see all the love Tango pours into them, and Tango goes “Yeah, they aren’t good enough.” Whilst Jimmy’s brain short circuits because ?!??! what do you mean you see me this beautiful and these drawings are amazing???

~Elen (🍠)

My Elen!!

So. this. I've been rotating this in my head for a few days now and I cannot find a reason to NOT put it in. I don't know if it will appear in the main story (so much is outlined and half written now) but I will try my damndest because I LOVE Tango who can draw.

It's normally Jimmy who I have doodling in my aus. But thinking about it, Jimmy spent most of his free time growing up out doing things. He was working part time jobs and doing school work. Tango on the other hand, did school and Ranch and maybe he saw Zed. Most of his childhood is yapping with Jevin on their horses. He's had tons of time to teach himself how to draw.

he has a little book in his saddle bag. and a simple charcoal pencil that he sharpens with his pocket knife. and he draws what he sees. birds, bison, landscapes. and when he gets to college he learns to draw more mechanically. but it always has a bit of an artistic flair his classmates never had He draws a sktech for one of his projects and it has shading on it. Or he marks up an exam with explanations of his thought process, and he gives visuals to many of this thoughts. Tango has always been someone to just snap his fingers and understand something, he's learned that many people need visuals, so he always provides them.

Drawing people though? I don't think he has a lot of practice in that. He can do loose outlines of a person in a landscape, but never detailed enough to know WHO the cowboy in a drawing is. until he met Jimmy. Theres a moment where he's up late, somewhere between the start of their flirting and the lollipop scene of chapter one. He's working on a project and is thinking about Jimmy's blushing flustered face and just, draws it. It doesn't look very good, and it doesn't look like Jimmy at all, but that doesn't stop him from trying again. As they get to know eachother and as Tango commits Jimmy's face to memory, they improve. Tango is a practical guy, he doesn't have social media and he hardly uses his phone, this is his way of "stalking the gram". this is how he gets to look at Jimmy when they aren't around eachother. on loose bits of papers, on the edge of his homework, on the back pages of a sketchbook he hasn't drawn in since he was last in texas. is Jimmy's face. Sleeping on the lab couch, taught in frustration, smiling softly. The only thing that Tango just cant seem to get right are his eyes. Nothing can capture them, not even the person who stares into them everyday.

GOD THIS MANNNNNNN hes to romantic aough. Thanks for this!! I needed this big time . much love Elen!

[bluevaractyl]

Why yes I did! Here is a link to basically me asking this exact same question, though in hindsight a lot of my confusion stemmed from the fact that the version I was playing had been remastered to be bigger, greener, and include stuff like wading through rivers and lakes, so take it with a large grain of salt. I was new to this. I'll share what I've learned since.

First, depicting LoZ and AoL's era this way is not a new thing. Probably the best portrayal I have ever read comes from this fic written in 2013, which does a fantastic job of capturing the atmosphere of the game. The wasteland image been made popular by shared fanon, of course, but it does have some basis in game canon. Below is original official art for AoL. Notice the dead tree and the red skies.

Link's first adventure is somewhat lonely. The entirety of LoZ occurs in the southwest of Hyrule. At that point in time, there are no settlements in that area. The only hylians you meet live in hidden caves and hollow trees. They offer Link a sword, sell items for rupees, give cryptic advice, and scold him for breaking down their doors. He also encounters moblin(s) who offer him free rupees. While there aren't any towns, there is a very large graveyard. Some areas have green forests, but in others, the trees are brown. There are fairy fountains. One fountain has no fairies and instead is patrolled by monsters; this one is the entrance to a dungeon. Link can't go in the water.

Six years later, Link sets out on his second adventure. AoL covers a significantly larger area, which includes seven well-populated towns. Again, some of the people are friendly and helpful, and some are kind of rude. A couple of the towns have been infiltrated by monsters that lie in wait for Link. Link is an outsider; to cross the bridge to go south, he must have one of the town folk vouch for him. One of the towns was entirely destroyed and rebuilt in a well-hidden location. The ruins are haunted.

It is worth noting what has changed between the two games. The merchants, old men and women, and moblin(s) have disappeared from the area south of Death Mountain. It is still possible to find fairies, but anything resembling a fairy fountain is gone. Link no longer has rupees or people willing to sell to him. The monsters used to roam the overworld somewhat aimlessly, only attacking Link when they spotted him, but now they actively seek him out, and every time he leaves the safety of the road, they close in.

Speaking of roads, both games have a distinct lack of travelers. Link meets one townsperson in a cabin in the woods, and he rescues a child who was kidnapped by monsters, but he never encounters a hylian on the road. He also never runs into any ordinary animals, domestic or otherwise. There are no horses, cows, cuccos, dogs, cats, monkeys, pigs, fish, frogs, or rabbits. What creatures there are tend to be hostile and unnatural. Perhaps more concerning, none of the other peoples of Hyrule are seen. There are no deku scrubs, gerudo, gorons, kokiri, minish, or rito. There are river zora, but they appear as mindless enemies—first attacking Link from the water, and later only on land. Something must have driven them from the rivers. Perhaps whatever keeps Link from swimming corrupted them.

This Hyrule has a lot of graveyards. Most games in the series have at least one or two, but AoL has three massive graveyards, plus the smaller ones found in the towns. It gives the world a very haunting feeling. What happened here? With no animals and no sign of farmland, famine seems likely. It also could have been monsters or illness, or most likely a combination of all three. This era does follow the Era of Decline, so there are a lot of possibilities. Some of my absolute favorite AoL art captures the atmosphere of the graveyards. Also, the grey graveyard from LoZ in the fourth image below is that tiny square graveyard in the third image, which gives you a sense of the scale of the first one, which is huge.

The land is varied and beautiful in its own way, but it is definitely dangerous. The deserts do have cacti, as you noted above, but the manual notes, "There are also places where the winds are strong and small stones fly around," which I've interpreted to mean they are prone to dust storms. It usually takes less than a second for monsters to appear when I step off the road, and they move a lot faster than Link. Traveling in the wilderness is a trial. The farther you go from the North Castle, the higher the stakes are for messing up and the farther you tend to be from a town. And the stakes are very high.

Some headcanons to fill the gaps:

Between LoZ and AoL, the monsters rallied from Ganon's defeat and started seeking out the Hero so they could resurrect their master. The area south of Death Mountain became too dangerous for anyone to live in, and those hylians either moved to the towns or were killed. The secret moblin's treachery may have been discovered. Monsters may have overhunted the animals, or they might have all been corrupted by Ganon's power. It is not a far stretch to say the townspeople are under a lot of stress, and when things start getting worse again, it's easy to find someone to blame. Link defeated Ganon, but it didn't fix everything. With monsters hunting him, and even impersonating townspeople to get at him, I think it would be only natural for the people to become wary of his presence, and perhaps even openly hostile.

The manuals makes Hyrule sound like a beautiful place, but I sort of read that as reminiscing on when it was. The AoL manual also talks of the "power that the vile heart of Ganon had left behind." The corrupting effect of dark power, and the impact of monsters on the land, are well-established through the series. Demise and his minions "burnt forests to ash, choked the land's sweet springs, and murdered without hesitation." OoT's Ganondorf turned Castle Town into a ghost town inhabited by redead. Zant used Ganon's power to turn people into monstrous beasts and shroud the land in darkness. Malice and gloom harm people and are avoided by animals, and they cover the land like tar and fill the air with miasma. Malice can possess divine creatures and technology. Monsters in BotW hunt animals and leave heaps of refuse wherever they camp. All this to say, I don't think the little kingdom of Hyrule is in as good of shape as the bright colors would suggest.

I think canon nudged us in this direction, intentionally or not, and we ran with it. Writing it as a post-apocalyptic world is fun, after all.

Most LoZ AUs with this Link take place after AoL, so it is up to you how Hyrule is doing by then. Perhaps the monsters are finally gone, trade is in full swing, and the land is flourishing. Or maybe not. I write for LU, and for me, the land had been recovering, but the Shadow has been empowering monsters and making them bolder, so things have started to look uncertain again, and the people have noticed. There are plenty of directions to go with it. If you'd like to write this Hyrule as green and beautiful and full of life, go for it! I hope this helped explain a little of where the popular depictions came from, but you certainly aren't bound to follow them.

Genuine question for people who write fanfiction taking place in the time period of NES The Legend of Zelda or Zelda 2: Adventure of Link (the era of LU Hyrule):

Why is this version of Hyrule in fanfiction so often portrayed as a wasteland? Where did people get the idea that the water is poisoned and wildlife is barely surviving? Is there something I'm missing? Please let me know. (Non-fanfiction writers can answer, too.)

The color palette in those games might be a little odd, but I always thought the land looked beautiful. Lots of green forests and blue bodies of water. Is there somewhere that says the water is poisoned?

I was rereading the manual for LoZ and found this:

They called it "a beautiful and natural world." The paragraph also talks about good-natured people, which brings me to the question about how fanfic writers also seem to portray towns in this world to be hostile, when from what I've seen of gameplay, they are sources of healing and respite, with people just going about their daily lives. I have a feeling the hostile people are written that way because of the "monsters out for his literal blood" thing. But they seem no more or less friendly than NPCs in other eras. A little curt, due to the character limit and weird translation, but helpful.

Here are some more pictures:

Above map source: Daniel Engel

Even the desert has greenery. It's a desert, but not a wasteland.

I always feel weird asking this, as if I'm a desperate YouTuber or something, but I'd appreciate reblogs so I can get a larger variety of responses. My blog is pretty small. ❤️

[chainofclovers]

hacks s4 thoughts!

Oooooh I loved this season. It got off to a bit of a rocky start for me but imo every bit of it paid off and there were many moments that rival s3 (perfect, perfect s3) in terms of how much I loved them.

When I'm watching a play, a part of my mind never forgets that I'm taking in live action artifice, that a series of decisions are playing out before my eyes, that performance is playing out before my eyes. I think I've tried to apply that same awareness to my TV and movie watching over the past several years. Some of that comes from having been in fan spaces that have allowed me to learn a bit more about how TV is made, and from watching shows that have forced me to process how life and art intersect.

For me, none of the magic of live theater or TV or film is lost by devoting some of my headspace to considering the act of creation. Why did they choose this take instead of one that ended up on the cutting room floor? How might tonight's show feel different than if I'd attended the show last night? What grace do these writers and performers deserve simply for having written and performed? These are all satisfying questions to ponder that don't take away from how the characters still feel "real" in that I have opinions about their lives just as I have opinions about my life and the life of people I know in 3D reality. Thinking about a show (in any medium) as a fallible, imperfect, searching-for-brilliance performance that brings fiction to life just makes me so happy. And Hacks adds so many layers to that since the characters are always bubbling with their own version of these questions.

Spoilery thoughts (hopefully not very long-winded) abound after the cut.

I LOVE that the big climactic love-motivated and morality-motivated decision to end the show took place in 4x9 instead of the finale. It felt so right that that moment of brilliant clarity (and that includes Kayla and Jimmy, not just Deborah and Ava) got lots of breathing room to feel shocking and beautiful and overwhelming. Deborah really did change over time. And I was able to truly believe it, which felt stunning.

And it also feels so right that 4x10 is about...not so much picking up the pieces, but floating miserably through the aftermath.

Some brilliant Hacks-watchers including @thesumdancekid and @bristler are really hoping that s5 ends up being about Ava's own career, and the way that some part of Deborah's legacy becomes about not only what the Deborah/Ava creative partnership did to evolve Deborah as a comedian, but what it will do to influence the career that Ava will (tragically) have for decades after Deborah is gone.

I really hope for that too. But I think it felt right that their headspace in 4x10 was still focused on what Deborah has lost. It was clear that they are both lost, and Deborah is having some three-quarter-life crisis, and Ava wants to work but on what, and everything Deborah said about it being sad that a twenty-something's only friend is her could also be flipped into the sadness of a seventy-something whose only friend is Ava. But it's not really necessarily sad forever, and I have ever reason to believe that the bliss of intimate creative collaboration will be theirs again, even if it's going to have to look different.

Other random stuff:

I know people cough sometimes and it could just be naturalistic acting that Deborah has a little cough in the souvenir shop in Vegas, but the dark side of my split-brain "characters are real" / "the imperfect act of creating fiction is visible and beautiful" style of TV viewing is that I think everything means something and I'm scared lol

We didn't see much of DJ this season, but what we did was incredible and the work DJ has done to understand her mother and to understand her lack of understanding of her mother and to understand Ava and her mother is....spectacular storytelling

I had so much fun with Kayla and Jimmy. While I didn't love watching Dance Mom, I do think the way she wore out her welcome on Hacks was very, very important storytelling about how many people show biz is luring in and sucking dry all the time. We tend to only hear about the people who are doing great and the total crash outs. If we never hear about her again, that would be depressingly real. If we do hear about her again, I hope she's been able to quit drinking. <3

Confident, assured Marcus was wonderful

Stacey the HR rep was sooooo funny. Having her as a unifying force for Ava and Deb due to them getting the chance to be mean girls with a common laughing stock? Perfection

I am still giggling about all the social media bits that staffer has to make Deborah do while she's hosting Late Night. The one where she has to pretend to catch and throw a bag of Fritos is especially funny to me, I'm not sure why

Something I found super important about this season is how even if Deborah and Ava are not really great at introspection, a lot of what they observe about the other applies to themselves too, and we did get to see some scenes in which Deborah is alone and dealing with the coyotes, dealing with her dogs, muttering to herself about her role as a caregiver and her failures there. It felt like a really good complement to the articulateness she has while announcing the end of her show in 4x9. I could feel that brain working and getting her to that place where she isn't afraid (at least not all the time) to care about Ava

Yay Hacks! :)

[goodgo0dthings]

First date with Joseph Woll

wc: 1240

warnings: fluff, gentleman Joe

side note: this is my first ever anything ive written. pls be kind but also let me know if this is something anyone likes!

You two had met through your best friend and her boyfriend. You never thought you'd be going out with someone who plays hockey, let alone professionally. You knew how all the hockey guys had acted. But you decided to take a chance and go on one date to see how it goes. 

Joe had offered to pick you up at 7 pm. You spent all day picking out the perfect outfit, perfecting your makeup and hair. Checking over everything a thousand times to make sure you looked good. It wasn't a fancy date. Just to get some sushi and chit chat then off to a new bar-cade that had just opened down the street. 

You finally settled on a comfy pair of leggings and a band hoodie as it was still a little chilly out but not cold enough to wear a winter jacket. And not necessarily warm enough for no jacket or hoodie. 

You were sitting on your couch trying to calm your nerves as you looked at the clock. 6:53 pm. There's a knock at your front door that slightly startles you. You definitely were not expecting Joe to knock. Maybe an “i’m here” text and you'd meet him at his car. You get up and slowly open the door to Joe standing there with a big smile and a small bouquet of flowers.

“Hi, sorry I'm a little early. And I got you flowers!” “Don't be sorry at all. I was ready” you chuckled, thinking about how you've been ready since 4:30 pm. “They're beautiful, Joe. Thank you so much! Want to come inside for a minute so I can throw them in some water?” 

Joe follows you in, not going very far. Afraid of intruding on your space. As you walk into the kitchen you grab one of your many metal water bottles.

“No judgement please. I don't have a vase unfortunately. This is the best I have” you looked down at your feet, worrying Joe is silently judging you. “No worries at all! Not everyone has one. That's actually not a bad idea. So no judgment here!” You let out a sigh of relief and place the flowers on your counter.

You take one last look at them before leaving with Joe. As you get to his car, he opens the door for you, like the gentleman you’d soon fall in love with. He rounds the car and you guys take off to the sushi restaurant. The ride is quick and quiet. But not an uncomfortable quiet.

Once you guys make it in a parking spot, he tells you not to touch your door and that he’ll open it for you. “I dont think ive ever had someone open the door for me. I appreciate it” you chuckle out, nervous as ever. “A pretty lady, like you, shouldn't have to open the door herself. I'm happy to do it.” he smiles back at you, also extremely nervous. 

He then goes to open the door to the restaurant for you and you both walk in, quickly seated, trying to figure out what you guys want to eat. Dinner was full of small chit chat and a lot of giggles from the both of you. Even if things got quiet, it wasn't weird or uncomfortable. You felt that warm fuzzy feeling just sitting across from him. 

After dinner, Joe makes a quick drive down the road to the arcade. Same thing, he opens the car door for you, opens the door to the arcade for you, all with a smile. 

You guys make it in, grab some tokens and almost sprint to the Mortal Kombat machines. Joe challenges you to playing thinking he'd win every round. Little does he know, you grew up playing with your dad, brother and cousins. Having every possible trick written down for you all to use. Joe quickly loses four of the first couple games you guys play. You’re both full of laughter and concentration. He can't help but keep glancing over at you. Tongue slightly stuck out in between your lips in full concentration mode. 

“I only lost because it's been a while since i've played” he tries to play it off. “I’m actually letting you win. It's the gentleman thing to do” 

You giggle and look at him, he's got this sparkle in his eyes that you can hardly look away from. “Well let's find something you can maybe beat me in. What about Mario Kart? I'm horrible at it” you ask him. 

“You got a deal, pretty girl.” It took everything in you to not squeal like a little girl. He's just so great and kind. 

He turns to you and playfully cracks his knuckles “Alright, I might be a little rusty but I dont think you’ll be winning this one” You can't help but laugh and jokingly roll your eyes. 

You guys spend another hour and a half walking around and playing different games before it starts getting late and you both agree to call it a night. He slowly drives his way back to your house, obviously getting out to open your door when he pulls into your driveway. 

“Can I walk you to your door? If that's okay.” He almost whispers. “I would love it if you did.” You smile back at him. 

As you turn to unlock your front door, he turns to you. “I had a lot of fun tonight. I dont think I’ve ever lost that bad in any video game.” He laughs, face turning a light shade of pink. 

You turn back to him, “I had a lot of fun too. Maybe next time, I’ll let you win so then we’re even.”

He chuckles, trying to hide his face. Then he takes half a step closer to you and you can feel your heart racing even more. 

“Can I kiss you?” He almost whispers. You turn to him and nod, afraid to speak, afraid you’ll say something wrong. He softly places a hand on your cheek and gently kisses you. You can feel fireworks going off in your brain and lean in slightly to kiss him back. 

He takes that as a good sign and proceeds to place his other hand on your other cheek, holding your face and kissing you like he’s afraid you'll disappear. Your hands end up on his hips, shortly after, your hands are on his back. Holding onto him, trying to ground yourself. 

He slightly pulls back, hands still on either side of your face, looking you in the eyes. Sparkle and all. “Can - can I see you tomorrow?” He whispers, afraid to speak too loud. 

“I would love that, honestly.” You say through a smile. 

“Let's shoot for six? I can pick you up again. I don't mind.”

“Sounds like a plan. I can't wait.”

He looks at you the way no one else has looked at you before, hands still on your cheeks, and you can't help but love the way he looks at you. Joe kisses your forehead then kisses your lips one more time. “I’ll see you tomorrow” He says as he pulls away. 

You smile back at him “See you tomorrow, Joe. Thank you again for the flowers.” You walk inside, beaming.

Closing the door and missing the feeling of his hands on your face, his lips on yours.

[stiltonbasket]

Kinda of like, rushing it a little, BUT in the lotr inspired fic, will Bingqiu have another kid, or will Shen Qingqiu be holding his daughter like "I love her, I adore her, I would kill for her, I would burn mountains for her, but that's IT, no more, YOU CAN CARRY THE NEXT ONE, I AM NOT DOING IT!!!" or would answering this be considered a spoiler?

I actually haven't decided yet! But the combination of Binghe's blood parasites keeping his body stable + Mu Qingfang's expertise made things much easier for Shen Qingqiu than they might have been otherwise. He did have a horrible time with his cravings, because Bingqiu baby started dream-walking before she was born and immediately decided that she MUST get to try the brownies and hot fudge sundaes she saw in SQQ's memories. Unfortunately for baby and dad, chocolate doesn't exist in PIDW, so Shen Qingqiu was inconsolable until Hengxia moved on to coconut pudding (much easier to obtain, to Luo Binghe's great relief).

[fumifooms]

Kabru party analysis - Trust, and codependence vs emotional unavailability

I flip flopped on calling this a masterpost a lot, but looking back, yeah. While I do compile every fact I can about the party and its characters a significant part of this is interpretation, extrapolation and speculation enough that it's an analysis more than compilation at this point. Feel free to skim, skip around, whatever makes the experience more enjoyable and useful. I’ll also try and compile parallels they have with their Laios party counterpart, since them being foils and ‘shadow version’ of sorts to our main party is a big part of their fun fact meta, I am however most interested in analyzing them as their own characters- and as a whole together as an entity & narrative device. I did end up getting into narrative and thematic analysis for the main story... Mostly the Kabru & conclusion segments though.

But ultimately the goal of this post is mostly to analyze their relationships with each other because I think that’s the messy interesting part of their group, beyond just being a kabru party facts list.

Table of contents:

Kabru + party timeline

Rin

Holm

Daya

Mickbell

Kuro

Relationships and overall dynamic

Do they matter at all to the story?

For easy finding if anyone wants to do a focused reread, the main chapters featuring the Kabru party are 10, 15, 31 and 32, and then with chapter 45 everyone but Kabru (and Rin) stops appearing until the final battle.

Kabru of Utaya & his party

What to say about Kabru that hasn’t already been said, how to summarize him as perfectly and concisely as possible… I don’t think I can reasonably do him full justice here! This is an analysis about his party and not just him so I don’t want to spend forever here. Unlike every other character in his party Kabru is a main character of Dungeon Meshi so plenty of analyses around, meanwhile information can be hard to find and string together for the rest of them or the party as a whole. This isn’t a deep dive on Kabru but a summary, I’ll go over his timeline, goals and general attitude.

This'll be critical for later, but notice here that this means Kabru's party formed 2 years before the story happens. We get no indication of whether or not party members have changed much or little over those years, even if the party overall seems somewhat incompetent. Kabru's profile says that despite his skills, his lack of experience makes him a mediocre party leader and we do have that inexperience with monsters and dungeons, from what we see in canon. It's partly due to his foster mother training him intensively in combat against humans but seemingly not monsters or dungeon survivals, and partly from what we see with canon's framig because Kabru has no interest in monsters- You know and understand what you love better than what you hate, so Kabru is good at fighting humans and Laios is good at fighting monsters. The party does have rather good chemistry in action, with Kabru orchestrating everyone with commands, but they still end up being defeated as often as not, and despite Mickbell's warnings Kabru pushes to go to a dungeon floor lower than he thinks they can handle with their current ressources, for example. Laios' party at the start of canon were broke, but it's only because their money got lost in the dungeon and (chap 28) the bank would take too long to get their tokens back & take money out to save Falin- meanwhile Mickbell talks about being in the red just because of their current unfruitful dive, meaning they aren't as successful and have tighter finances overall. We see the party hanging out in taverns off-work (though not unlike Laios' very occasionally does as well) and things like Kabru meeting Dia's fiance and the party visiting Kabru's room, so they mayy be paralelling how it's said Laios' party hung out very little outside of work? They don't seem much closer for it, though.

One other thing to note is that Utaya is not necessarily his birthplace/hometown? The details are unclear, the adventurer's Bible does refer to it as his birthplace twice, but it's also mentioned several times that his mother was "chasen out", even in the original japanese. It sounds like leaving a town to me, but it could be that they were only driven out to their house and moved to a different part of town...? Either way, his mother was "chased out of home" after he was born beause of his blue eyes. Of course, Utaya is where the dungeon overflow tragedy happened when he was 6-7 years old, so it's the town Kabru and his mom were living in, one way or another. It's also mentioned kobolds lived near Utaya, explaining him speaking some kobold, which kobolds also implies the region had conflict beyond the dungeon overflow considering what Kabru says about kobolds in the kobold page.

Her mom having been "chased out of home" over him and then working hard as a single mother to support both him and herself is likely to have made him feel like a burden, which may have influenced his selflessness: the way he's hardworking, the way he neglects himself, the way he keeps others at arm's lenght (maybe thinking getting closer to him would do them no good)*, the way he can be very quiet and a great listener, gauging others' needs- the same way he was his mom's venting outlet when very young whenever she got drunk. *I explore this possibility more in this kabrin brainstorm post. The insecurity of being an incubus/monster, especially with how Kabru did see people transforming into monsters in Utaya- A very interesting recurring angle for him.

Let's be clear, as Kabru shows again and again his goal was 1) to pierce the mysteries of the dungeon, and 2) ensure that if anyone defeats the current dungeon lord that they won't accelerate the process of the dungeon overflowing or use the power for evil, essentially that the dungeon's power won't fall into the wrong hands, which includes him thinking the canaries shouldn't get the final say in how to handle it all. His goal/plan of becoming dungeon lord himself was to take care of both of these in one go.

He's been at this for years and he's seen a lot of things firsthand when he was 6, so already when he first confronts the canaries at the Island governor's he explains the stages of degradation of a dungeon quite well, he has his own theories that turn out accurate, but he's made them while being barred from most information on dungeons, which the elven monarchy controls access to. Goal 2 is always the main point, but goal 1 is important in order to be able to do it efficiently. Once this, goal 1, is achieved and Kabru learns about the demon through Mithrun, he becomes solely focused on goal 2 again (whereas the On Floor 1 chapters ended with him breaking alliance wth the canaries to demand answer) to ensure the demon stays under control and to stop the current (and possible next) dungeon lord. And then, well, the meeting at Thistle's house happens. Defeating the dungeon then at the beginning of canon was half-cover, a simple unsuspicious way to present his goals, half-goal 1 which would also take care of goal 2 by Kabru himself becoming the dungeon lord, as said. The canaries show up so he indulges in goal 1 while carefully teetering on being an obstacle to the canaries and helping them, and then it's right back to goal 2 with renewed determination together after he and Mithrun fall down into the dungeon and Mithrun spills everything. He doesn't trust Laios as dungeon lord, but he also doesn't trust the elves having the sole duty of managing dungeons.

It becomes this sort of tug of war of distrust, of who does he trust less to ally against, who does he trust more to ally with, which side to take once it's clear his own side isn't viable alone- he ends up somewhat playing double agent covertly through the story, but ultimately he ends up more or less trusting everyone and playing double agent openly with the final battle, quote unquote having faith in humanity & others, which he'd been cynical about for so long, finding red flags in everyone. But yes yes backing up again, he came to trust Mithrun during the six days in the dungeon together, but not the rest of the canaries and when they meet up again he's still on bad terms with them, we see it at Thistle's house where he tried obfuscating Laios' party's secret and pinned Mithrun to keep him from chasing after them, preferring for the ball to be in their court and for Mithrun not to go kamikaze mode.

His interest in Laios also extended to Falin, their party was quite capable and was more or less next in line to beat the dungeon, but since she died and Laios went into it on a shocking desperate mission, Laios becomes a focus of his as they make very quick progress. No one dungeon diving ever went beyond the big doors guarded by the gargoyles, but Laios' party passes through them just a little after Kabru and Mithrun team up.

All these deeper thoughts were largely unknown to his party members before the story.

He’s secretive and often cold with his party. Even Rin, presumably the closest friend he has, the one who’s devoting herself to specifically following and helping him (while the others also seem to admire him and partly follow him to put him on the dunlord throne, they have their own reasons too), is left in the dark with an arm of distance kept between them. Kabru first reveals he's been keeping an eye on the Touden's party during the sea serpent 2 chapter for example, and goes into it a little more during the Toshiro-Laios parties meetup chapters.

Although, it might be more appropriate to say that rather the party members aren't really listening. Kabru spoke about his goal to keep the toudens away from the dungeon lord title here, has a whole speech about influence and power falling into the wrong hands, and their reaction is "we know, only you is fit to be dungeon lord!" when that's never been the actual core of the matter, the point. It was the red herring being set up yes, that that was only what kabru wanted, but ultimately looking back he's always had that guardian type motivation more than leader, being a judge and executioner more than a king on a throne, he wants to support what's good and dismantle what's bad, so it suits him to have become a politician in the end instead of the ultimate chief. That also goes into his arc- him learning that sharing duties and goals is good, that he doesn't have to do everything alone and fully trusting others when teaming up can be beneficial, that he alone doesn't have to be the sole voice, that his shouldn't be the sole choice to be made about matters or courses of action. So going back to the topic- another instance of his explanations being dismissed is in this convo with Rin above- Again he talks about dungeons and reveals hints about his true goals, yet after all of this Rin literally only goes "hmm" and silence falls, and then she says she's hungry. Wether she was contemplative or uninterested, the change of topic is rather quick and unceremonious. And this is the person who'd know best about his motivations too, knowing his past well.

And maybe this phenomenon is also why he gets peeved at Rin here and silently chides her. In a "she should know how to think this through by now, she should've taken a second to observe and remember how we do things, she should think deeper about the true important matters" way etc etc. What are we doing this for, what do you take me for? This kind of righteousness is detrimental rather than helpful and strategic, Rin.

I place both Laios and Mithrun to be very important to Kabru's character and arc, and with Mithrun a significant part of the puzzle imo must have been that Mithrun listened, easily understood. Mithrun understood the gravity and danger of dungeons, was even similarly a victim of one. Where everyone else shallowly misunderstands or dimisses what he says about dungeons and his goals, they're very understandable and familiar to Mithrun, and such bumps don't happen with him. Mithrun isn't playing the social game the same way as others, he just dishes out whatever blunt straight to the bottom of the matter points, he skips the social dance Kabru often gets so hang up on, in a way that helps kabru communicate with him honestly rather than hinder, especially since Mithrun is still quite good at reading between lines. This could be a good part of why they take to each other rather quickly and team up, each other's rationale and plans feel intuitive to the other and they find someone else traumatized by the dungeon, someone who understands, understands not only what he's talking about but also what must be done, the ruthlessness needed. And Laios comes to ultimately balance this out, not invalidating their wants and needs but showing there are other ways to proceed, other people to trust, even when they don't intuitively understand them.

And on that note I want to talk about Kabru and laios' confrontation. I've already said that his "Laios obsession" is about his dungeon goals and that's very straightforward, and it only got to this point because Laios previously dodged his every attempt at closeup info gathering and still now he can't get a read or grip on him. BUT while some think Kabru's "I just wanted to be friends with you" is just a bullshit he made up on the spot complete lie, I don't think so. We see Kabru cycle through some explanations, angles and speeches he has like scripts, like one of them on the second page is close to this. And we know they're like scripts because that's what he said and how he spoke with his party, the backstory talk, the framing, it's all how he presented it to others as well. But he knows none will work on laios, Laios pushes him like Mithrun to go offscript, to find new approaches and communicate in ways that are more vulnerable and uncomfortable. And Kabru has trouble finding that angle that'll work with Laios, because he doesn't know Laios well enough, and that's what he wants, too, it feels so frustrating and vulnerable not understanding him. As his desperation mounts it sort of just slips out- I wanted to be friends with you. Childish, simple, inappropriate for the grave context and very embarrassing. And he immediately freezes and backpedals- BUT Laios endlessly dunks on the very idea that it could be true and that sets kabru off- after which he unloads a more personal perspective of how it was like chasing after him. And I think that's what it is, it's not a lie but it's a bit of an oversimplification- Not the full reason, but a part of it. Kabru wanted them to get to know each other better and get along, for him not to have to kill Laios, a want he still clings onto even when stakes are rising. He says it all himself here, explains his statement after Laios all but laughs in his face in disbelief. I think this scene and the slip-up shows that Kabru does have a desire for connection, that even when he's all calculating and manipulative with his business mode on, there's that desire under it all. And with Laios, well, what better excuse is there to be interested in someone that so conveniently is at the center of his plans and goals for the dungeon? Meeting practicality and genuine interest makes for this- I don't think that's unique to Laios perse, I do think Kabru is interested in people in general like he himself puts it in contrast with the touden siblings who don't, but with Laios the difference is the utter onesidedness of it, the brick wall of social cues he doesn't know how to approach but both needs and wants to. Repressing a desire for social connections, being bound by it despite wanting to not need them, is a common theme in Dungeon Meshi! And I think this fits into that. It's in the grabbing of Laios' arm too. Yes it's from despair, from the situation and from not being heard out, but that despair hides a desire, and it's a desire both to fix everything and to be seen and heard finally. And you could theorize it's his time with Mithrun that made him help realize here that yes there's some truth to wanting to be friends with Laios, and learn to seize the opportunity, to chase it not just through mind games but also try honesty, bluntness...

His arc with Laios (and with Mithrun) is a lot about teaming up imo, his party disappears and accomplished little because he never fully opened up to them, but when push came to shove and he was thrown into teaming up with someone (Mithrun) unfamiliar with no pretenses possible in an urgent situation he slowly gained trust for him, he learns that trust can be valuable even through the risk, enough that by the time he has to make his ultimate choice of going against Laios and even killing, vs helping him and letting him do his own plan, conflicted as he is Kabru still chooses to defend Laios from Lycion and have some faith- and this despite having his own opinion dismissed by Laios in the scene we just looked at. He is putting faith in Laios to have the weight of that world he was carrying alone for years put into someone else's hands, upon their choices, despite it meaning everything to him. Dungeon Meshi is a loooot about community and unity, about reaching each other halfway to have understanding and accomplish things together, better, and Kabru's arc very much is about that whole thing. Laios decides to go with his own gut instead of agreeing with Kabru's pleading, and there's much to say about that, but ultimately I see it as Kabru being forced to reckon with having to put full trust in another person's judgement yes, terrifying and risky, but sometimes it'll pay off. Seeking to understand each other earnestly IS good, and it's only after all pretenses are out the window that things start to look up, compromise shows willingness to do that.

So like. Mithrun's half of kabru's storyline is about being understood, getting some of that social connecting need he's been neglecting and showing how genuineness pays off, meanwhile Laios' half is about understanding others, seeing the flaws in how he approaches others. How do you expect people to understand you if you aren't earnest with them, Laios asks? Lycion hammers it home too, being the one to expose Kabru having been fake with Laios and trying being very blunt and direct with Laios. With Mithrun he learns to socialize without playing 4d mind chess again, it's easy with him befause he's so uninterested in respecting social conventions anymore and is so blunt and honest, and with Laios he learns to apply that. Mithrun is his parallel and Laios is his contrast.

Okay this was the story arc bit now getting back to a character analysis focus. Kabru is interested in anthropology in general, with a genuine interest in learning about people and languages & helping people at large. He's concerned with the greater good and "preventing Utaya from happening again", not because he himself doesn't feel safe but because he wants to prevent tragedies in the world, tragedies that affect others the way he's been before. Kabru is individualistic in the sense that he takes everything upon himself, doesn't readily trust others with decisions, but he's also incredibly selfless. He's dedicating his life to investigating dungeons and stopping their meltdowns, thinking someone else than the elves must get involved, he has personal reasons to be motivated to stop the demon but unlike Mithrun it's not out of revenge but out of a concern for others' wellbeing, while Mithrun's motivations are stuck in the past Kabru's are in the future's. In his determined pursuit of his goals he neglects his own needs and wellbeing- Due to his upbringing with the sheltering Milsiril, Kabru has a hard time even doing basic care tasks like cleaning and cooking, if it wasn't for his landlord doing the cleaning of his rented room for him it'd be very messy, bottles laying around because he drinks alcohol to help with insomnia regularly for one. Dungeon diving isn't all that profitable, especially being Kabru's party, and it's unsafe, and it's uncomfortable, and not exactly well seen- He's not enriching himself either in wealth or status, and yet Kabru his spending his every day and every ressource researching about dungeon diving parties on the Island to keep an eye out for possible future dungeon lords, making influential connections like the shadow governor, and of course dungeon diving itself. He even puts it himself, that he'd rather die in a dungeon in pain than stay at Milsiril's, and it's very important to remember that unlike Laios Kabru hates dungeons- He loathes monsters, is terrified of them and the threat the dungeons make, and doesn't even seem to have true curiosity or interest for dungeons' workings beyond how to stop them from causing harm- his dedication to dungeon diving is solely in relation to his mission. While I'm sure he does find some interactions fulfilling here and there, he also keeps himself from connecting with others, treating relationships either as tools (like drinking is to him) or situations to people please and focus on helping fix their issues like with Dia's fiance, sinking a lot of time into it and not opening up himself, gaining nothing from it except maybe some loyalty and reputation, a sense of satisfaction and a sense of having done a good thing.

The end very much justifies the means with him. He's one of the more politically conscious and few greater good caring people of the cast but he's not without bias, his talking about kobolds for one... more on that in the kabru & Kuro section. He's not blinded by ideas of good and evil since he has no problems with greyer areas if the ultimate result is good- but he can be blinded by laser focus somewhat. His fear over Laios- while clearly not unfounded since kui herself stated that at the beginning of serialization she really thought Laios would become a demon king as dungeon lord in the end- makes him take rash decisions, where if it wasn't for people reviving and saving his party again and again and again, Kabru would never have even met Laios. See, again the theme that he can't achieve his goals alone even if he tries. He doesn't want to share burdens and plans, refuses help sometimes, but he does rely on it like everyone else, and ultimately I think that's what his arc is about like we covered- from being so distant with his party to opening up with mithrun and ultimately, in his kill Laios vs trust Laios dilemma he picked trust.

I do think growing up with Milsiril shaped him into who he became a lot, not only because he had access to knowledge with her ressources and her teaching yes, but most importantly imo he learned to manage an emotionally needy adult. It's mentioned his dead mother would sometimes vent to him when drunk, and it's different but similar to Milsiril being a sensitive recluse hermit who jumps from tears to anger in the blink of an eye, with emotional manipulation whether intentional or not, guilt tripping for even small things like which home cuisine he picks to talk about. Kabru grew used to having to anticipate and pacify or counter Milsiril's moods, to push through the wails and downright threats to be able to make a point and be heard like when saying he wishes to go into dungeons, and she seems to overburden her kids with the task of managing her emotional stability like I implied. She doesn't have friends except literally maybe just Helki her employee, she likes dolls and interacting with her kids and that's all that we see, so she seems emotionally dependent on her kids and esp Kabru imo. So like with how he operates in the present, he learned to "manipulate for good", what words tend to set people off, what ways to phrase things make pills easier to swallow, what face is most pleasing and soothing, what gestures are too much and what gestures are too little. Daily life and ineracting at home with his foster family became a visual novel with right and wrong answers and for smooth days he needs to be a good kid. Milsiril & Kabru is a topic for another day but I do have a lot to say. I do want it to be kept in mind here that Kabru's opinion that it's impossible for elves to see eye to eye with shortlived races is explicitly linked to his experience with Milsiril, as written in his Adventurer's bible pages. This coming up is definitelyyy a headcanon though but since [Helki is the only friend adjacent relationship we know milsiril has] and their relationship is master & servant there's grounds to theorize about how much kabru interacted with him too- how much Kabru saw Milsiril and Helki interact, his only father adjacent figure you could even say... As @room-surprise puts it, growing up in that house watching Milsiril and Helki and himself he learned that life is not to eat or be eaten but instead "to use or be used". Having grown elsewhere than the rigid elven kingdom first, that place with its tons of social etiquette rules and hierarchy, helped him be more critical of that society even as he observed how it worked and how he could work it, his original home may have not been much more welcoming, but sometimes difference is all that's needed to start comparing and realizing how systems are built, and not innate or unchangeable. I think being thrown into it rather than born into it shaped how Kabru perceived it. Psychology also helped him deal with his own trauma imo- in the incubus & parasitic bee comic it seems rationalizing the people from his hometown's superstitions helps him make his peace about it, makes it feel less personal, more distant- it's not my great aunt thinking I ruined my mom's life by being born, it's the human instinct and phenomenon of people being scared of what they don't understand, like a child with pale blue eyes. People being scared by what they don't understand, hm, it really always goes back to this in Dungeon Meshi doesn't it.

I think it's needless to say at this point but it's obvious Kabru is a character very affected by trauma. Faced with monsters, which've ravaged his home in the blink of an eye, he shakes and hesitates. He gets flashbacks when thinking about eating monsters. Wild topic swing but believe it or not there's a recurring "is it ptsd or autism" debate that often happens with characters, including L from Death Note for example, and Kabru has had this phenomenon in a niche of the fandom too. As one myself I do heavily relate to Kabru in the lens of him being an overachiever masked autistic, who unconsciously was drawn to learning psychology out of a need to do so and used to approach social interactions as a more scripted and logical affair than intuitive, and that was in part due to trauma yes- but autism and social-based trauma that pushed you to overcompensate and overachieve is, well... There's a causal link there yes, and it's a tendency that does happen with autism, especially in its afab presentation. And Kabru having ptsd is pretty much undeniable, so then, both? Personally I would claim kabru suffered not only the trauma of Utaya being destroyed but also social trauma living through being feared and hated by villagers and then taken in by elves and being constantly talked over- again different but similar to Rin's own experience and trauma. Truth is Kabru not being autistic doesn't change all that much from the "Laios caught his eye because he doesn't mask well and Kabru has to teach him about it he has to tell him that's illegal and look out for him" magnetism theory because that's also what ptsd does, someone with ptsd depending on the trauma also can become very scripted and nervous about skirting from it. Autism just gives it a more personal lens, where it's not only trauma but just who you are, always feeling a bit apart from everyone else in a fundamental way. In the end what autism and ptsd share in situations like this is that they treat social situations like a survival game, no fun included. This isn't the kabru is autistic analysis that's another topic plus many exist already I bet, but yes just know that these are common and coherent readings that can give a good lens for his behavior or obsessive tendencies.

Last tangent last tangent- but words are Kabru's main weapon right, knowledge is Kabru's main warfare method. Being in a society and with a parental guardian who doesn't put weight into your opinions and wants, speaking and being listened to is hard, and Kabru learned to play the game and dance the dance until he could make connections anywhere. It's of course relevant with how he dealt with Misilril and just how he continues to approach problems and matters now too, it's a way to be, a defense mechanism too, again like Rin's. It's interesting to note that it's Milsiril who taught him a lot, which he mentions is what he's grateful for her for most, teaching him and training him- and isn't that very in line with how Milsiril also felt spoken over and rejected by elven society as well, how she despises elven society even. Almost as if knowledge is a tool when you're devalued and pushed down in a society- Something that was important for Milsiril to teavh to him, which also fits nicely in with Kabru teaching Kuro the common tongue later on too. Milsiril's approach to the game of hierarchy was to keep her head down and obey orders until she could retire living rich as a hermit and foster parent, though, and that's emblematic of where they differ too- Kabru wants to be proactive, do more prevention with dungeons to have less damage control to do, even if you have to throw yourself into danger, even if you have to seek it out, so he makes connections and builds influence and goes dungeon diving. Milsiril wants to go away from trouble, leave to be safer, avoid danger, in life like in work, so she decides to live away from wider society to deal with her trauma and social anxiety, and so she retires and doesn't understand why Kabru would ever want to go near a dungeon again. Words are Kabru's main weapon but ultimately he drops arms and shed this attitude for open communication instead... 😌

I've started doing more analyses with enneagrams, I'll link back here when I make my first enneagram character analysis feature with Laios but in the meantime, sorry if you know nothing about it... If I had to call one for Kabru right now, 5w6/6w5 and 163 for tritype? Which would somewhat complement my reading of Laios as a 4w5 478, being his contrary in the action center 1 vs 8 which is the center that dictates how you judge/approach others/interactions, and the order being that the socialization center is the facet that's most important to Kabru vs what's least important to Laios. Inversely what's most important to Laios and least important to Kabru is the heart center aka how you judge yourself, your relationship with your own self-importance, Laios is very concerned with his own identity and interests and flees oppressive places that make him need to conform too much meanwhile Kabru is to himself only a tool for his greater goal and is ready to sacrifice individuality and his own comfort for it. But hey why would Kabru be 6w5 but still have 1 has his most important type in his 163 tritype? Well 6 is the desire for stability, security, and 1 is the high strict standard & concern for what's right vs wrong. I would consider 6 as his more important type because it's that desire that shaped his 1 importance given to morality, justice, good on a wider scale, etc, especially as someone marginalized where moral policies naturally benefit more people, often especially those devalued ykwim? Bettering the country with policies is right and also benefits him, he thinks everyone should have stability and safety, that it's the most important thing for everyone, but it presents as a 1 way to deal with that issue.

I think an important recurrent theme you can notice here too is onesided and unbalanced relationships. Kabru had the role of significant emotional support to both parental figures he had in his life, when as a child you're the one supposed to emotionally unload and the parents are supposed to take on them and manage the both of you, and it's made him be stuck into that mode sort of by default, letting others open themselves to you as much as they want but not opening up in turn, being more detached and unemotional- and of course, that's what's needed when you need to fix things, when you have to make sure everything is taken care of. It's the approach he takes both for his life and for relationships, so he shuts out his own emotions and pushes himself for others and for the world. He likes knowing, but not being known, because that's not supposed to be his role or purpose. He knows how burdening that can be. It does make the reversal of Laios being interested in Laios actively and Laios being uninterested in Kabru himself interesting. I don't know Kabru knows himself all that well, it's always about others so he doesn't take nearly as much time pondering his own wants, I think that plays into the "I wanted to be friends" too. It's how he's so able to get Dia's fiance to emotionally unload on him and vent over a couple hours and so at ease with it- he's used to it. Ah and even with Rin! He was specifically asked to befriend Rin as a kid, a very heavily traumatized girl- he was asked this because he's a shortlived race kid like her and nice, was asked this by his foster mother for the canaries' sake- he was literally put into that emotional support situation there too.

I am not mentioning every parallel & contrast he has with Laios I don't wanna be here all day!! But hey where Kabru had his town ravaged by monsters as a child and has always holds importance for having community, Laios fantasized about monsters tavaged his town because he hated his community, for one. In this precise scenario, Laios saw flaws and he immediately wanted to give up on that community, meanwhile Kabru saw flaws and wanted to fix them- Well, mostly, since Kabru did give up on relations with elves for a good while, and both end up amending those beliefs and seeking to make a better society within the golden kingdom together.

Here is my very quickest Kabru analysis apparently 😭😭 I NEED to get dragged offstage this can't go on- Idk man I still haven't gotten THE ANGLE with Kabru's narrative in the story I still can't see one thread that makes everything seamlessly connect together like it usually happens with Dunmeshi for me, but there's so much going on here about typical dunmeshi themes like authenticity, balancing considering others & your own needs and connecting...... But my biggest impression after my first read that still lingers now is that Kabru was in good part there to embody that people are a tapestry and that we're like an ecosystem, you can't carry the weight of the world alone because you are not alone and humans are creatures that accomplish feats through being social, like how Kabru couldn't have defeated the monster without Laios' help, Laios couldn't have gotten this far without Kabru's interference. Again it's all comes to that final battle where everyone, different as they may be, come together to fight on the same side, to save their collective world... And the guy everyone believed in least being the one on who all hope and faith and trust is placed in the last desperate shot at winning. Idk man!!! What are we doing here go touch grass breathe in the breeze hug your loved ones what a joy it is to be alive and human!! Take example on Kabru and love yourself. Because you're human and he loves humans I mean- don't actually take notes on self-love from Kabru that would not go well I feel. But yeah like to me Kabru's party gives me a nudge of what direction I should go in to figure out what his portion of the story is getting at, the importance of Kabru's party then becomes showing the state of his relationships at the start of the story before things get shaken up, as contrast and a reference point...

Rinsha Fana

OKAYYY here we are. Not everything is about you Kabru! <- said with Rin's voice (it really truly actually is lol)

I've already done an incomplete analysis of her here, please look at it for Rin pictures & material, but basically her sour and strict attitude seems to be a defense mechanism she can't fully control, like how she tends to frown when she wants to smile. Kabru's words about it are somewhat dubious to be sure, we don't have a guidebook on "when is Rin truly angry and when is she just smiling upside down :) ", but it is notable that Kabru does have a point with that, from what we see.

Her nagging attitude is part of that defense mechanism- As explicitly stated several times, her main purpose in following Kabru is that she's worried he'd get himself into trouble without her. Not unjustified, since he has trouble even cleaning and eating well, and then he gets all wrapped up with the canaries during canon, but yes according to Rin he's too smart and reckless for his own good. This may be why he sees her as a big sister figure, she nitpicks every little thing but at the end of the day her support is unconditional and she'll stand with you whenever you need her. Sort of like a big sister, she gives tough love but ultimately just wants you to be healthy and to take your pain away.

She had a very difficult upbringing, seen as a heretic to burn at the stake in her early childhood then treated like an animal when growing up with the elves. Her parents had an unaligned religion and its practices are tied to how she learned magic, which is why her family was reported to the canaries as dark magic users, but not in time for them to arrive before the townspeople killed her parents. Where with the elves Kabru learned to people please in order to gain more agency and safety when he grew up seen as a pet, Rin learned to be irreproachable and stand her ground when she grew up treated as an animal. The townspeople in Kabru's hometown sought to break up his home and chase out his family, and they may have threatened heavily for all that we know, but Kabru was able to keep his love for humans and belief that humanity is good, the trauma he has is of monsters killing people during the dungeon overflow- Rin's trauma is townspeople burning her house down and lynching her family until she was the only survivor. She sees others as a threat, and not without reason.

Both Rin and Kabru wear masks socially. They go in opposite ways though, Rin oversells her toughness to tell people not to mess with her, she makes herself closed off and intimidating, meanwhile Kabru is more of a chameleon but mainly, he makes himself seem open and appeasing, unthreatening to be trusted and liked more.

She was sent into shock and suffered through severe trauma especially since the people who collected her amidst all this, the canaries, are very ill equipped to deal with emotionally/mentally fragile people, especially shortlived race kids. Because of this whole situation she has some contempt for those who had it "easier", like mages who went to magic school instead of having to self-teach like Rin did. And some of this is disdain that where she had to study everything on her own others have teachers to guide them through it all, a sense of superiority, but imo it's also doubtlessly a defense mechanism, an anti magic-elitism where she sneers at them before they can sneer at her. Before they can call her uncultured, she calls them talentless. Counter before they can even strike. Defense mechanism. In the main story, we hear of this tension Rin has about academy mages with how she speaks of Marcille and her spells- specifically she's rude about Marcille's protection charm/ward and says something about how the one who did it was definitely an academy mage because the spell is too by the book in chapter 32- and this is what I mean, she takes issue with how strict about rules and spells they are, how much they conform, because her own background is being severely mistreated and sotracized for being an unaligned unconventional mage, for doing magic outside of these rules and books. Interestingly, we also see in chapter 10 though that she looks down on people she sees as not successful or capable, saying that they'll definitely defeat the mad mage and "we won't be hand-to-mouth adventurers like you people", perhaps from trauma too- wishing to put a distance between the group she'd normally be categorized with and who she wants to become, or having felt mocked by the guy who talked to them before by having been related to them, because she's so on guard and bad faith always. We don't really know the details of Rin's time with the elves, escept that she was "minded like an animal". We don't even know where she stayed, even, just that Milsiril couldn't take her in because her house was already full. Where did she stay, then? Some shitty orphanage? I like to think she stayed with the canaries as "an impounded article" until she became an adult and left with Kabru, explaining even more her attitude since she'd have all the military influence, and further proving the point that any success she earns was self-made, that anything she knows she had to teach berself because her environment never gave her opportunities. But yes wherever it was, we can only assume that it was close enough to Milsiril's mansion or easily accessible, because Kabru and Rin continues seeing each other. It seems like at first, they would have made trips just in order to have Kabru befriend Rin until she could talk. They may have continued through letters eventully too if they couldn't meet. Hust a lot of uncertainty on every ground, all we know is Rin and Kabru became important to each other.

We actually know little of Rin and Kabru's pre-canon relationship, but we know that Rin was taken in by the elves some time after Kabru was, after her parents were killed by townsfolk and report them as black mages to the canaries, who arrived too late to be able to tell, so just took Rin in and...... Well we know very little of how she was treated, too, even where she was kept, just that Milsiril couldn't take her in and that they "minded her like an animal". We know that Kabru wanted and wants to "get her away from the elves somehow", something he doesn't say about the other kids living with Milsiril and explains his reason as being because Rin has bad experience with the elves, but it's unsure how Kabru left home and how Rin came to go with him. Because of that quote of his though it's likely he invited her along when he left, and she followed. But it's not confirmed, for all we know Kabru could have only invited her after 2 years after leaving when he founded his party. It's obvious Rin holds no love for living with the elves anyways, but we don't know how much freedom she had- it was hard for Kabru to be allowed to leave because he was coddled, notably only leaving 2 years after he reached in-world adulthood despite having first voiced his want to leave when he was a kid, but meanwhile I like to think Rin left very easily because no one cared, she was something that took up space and food where she wasn't wanted or needed, an obsolete "impounded article". She was catatonic when she was first taken in, but it's likely things were cleared up once she was able to talk that no, her family wasn't practicing black magic, and then the canaries just didn't know where to send her because she had no home or family anymore. But then, if she could leave whenever she wanted why wouldn't she have left earlier? Probably precisely because of Kabru too, because she didn't want to leave him. She loves him, and they're more or less the only friend each other had, so she couldn't just leave him behind and try to build a life without him, similarly to how he couldn't do that either. She stayed for Kabru and she left for Kabru.

I made another little post speculating more about her life with the elves and the possible impact of Flamela here if you're interested, as well as elaborating on her abandonment issues and the importance of Kabru to her.

Rin does seem to believe in Kabru's cause, in making him dugeon lord and that being important, but her main motivation is still pretty clearly that she's doing this for Kabru because it's Kabru. She doesn’t seem to really know why or what, just that it should be ‘someone who deserves it’ that beats the dungeon and becomes dungeon lord, and her first lines show her determined to prove everyone they can beat the dungeon. Like stated, her main motivation is she wants to make sure Kabru's safe and out of trouble, so hey why not put the "heretic" magic she learned to use and become his offense mage, why not use it to manage a feat so big and desired (defeating the dungeon) that everyone will have to admit she and her art are worthy of respect, to prove to everyone she can make it with her own skills and own unconventional knowledge. Her magic, the last remnant of her family. Her house burned down with everything she possessed, and she's said to have little attachment to her culture due to having been an immigrant on top of everything else, so the memories and knowledge they've taught her, the lessons they instilled in her and the person they tried to shape her to be, that's all that's left of them. She never speaks of them, at all, likely due to the whole heay childhood trauma thing, so we don't really know her feelings on well, everything, beyond that it was traumatic. We don't know what her relationship with her parents was like. She's a very closed off person. That's another contrast we can point out with Kabru, Rin flees her pre-canaries past and never brings up her family, has little attachment to places she's lived in or her culture, but Kabru is fixated on remembering, brings up his mother and culture whenever he can like in the halloween local sweets extra, has made the tragedy of Utaya at the center of his entire life mission. Rin and Kabru really are contrasts of each other in how they deal with trauma I think, whereas they both become very guarded in very different ways I think this highlights how simlar he may have felt with Mithrun, the both of them having become obsessed with their trauma and eradicating the cause of it which happened to be the same thing, having become workaholics and consumed over it.

She's in love with Kabru, but the way I see it it doesn't seem like she's particularly pursuing him romantically. I do think Kabru's occasional flirting with her gives her needless hope, but I don't think getting with him is either her goal in following him or her plan, I think she's content just following him to taking care of him selflessly, even when she knows he can be a womanizer and dishonest asshat, albeit she'll complain every step of the way yes. Again, unintentional big sister attitude.

Post-canon, she keeps in touch with Kabru and becomes a pharmacist, presumably living in Merini but there's no mention of the location, we just know she's kept touch because of a post-canon extra with Laios and Kabru. Her new profession supports that 1) Rin likes caring after others and 2) Rin never had an interest for anything about dungeon diving in itself. It's also ironic, since she was a offensive mage and didn't do healing.

Contrasts with Marcille, where to start... Marcille is optimist and rather open and Rin is pessimist and fully closed off, Marcille is social and smiles a lot and Rin is the reverse. Both of them have a caring mom friend attitude, but Marcille is more gentle and coddling about it whereas with Rin it's pure tough love, both of them do this to a often stifling degree (Falin, Izutsumi, Kabru). There's the contrast in their appearances too, and how Marcille dresses practically but Rin is more flashy, with an... Ambitious skirt cut? They're both elegant but in different ways, they're both very bold in fights, and stubborn and loud in their beliefs. Marcille was a more or less sheltered girl who learned magic in an academy while Rin learned on her own at the cost of blood and sweat. Both of them seem to have grown up in towns rather than cities, a more rural setting, since there were large fields and chickens roaming where Marcille lived and the little we see and know of Rin's town makes it seem closed on itself. They were presumably lonely growing up, Marcille had no peers because of her irregular aging and spent her time absorbed in novels, where Rin because of her family and culture/race was mistreated and avoided and it seems she spent a lot of her time focusing on learning things instead, perhaps paralleling novels with textbooks even in young age. Marcille lost one parent of natural causes and was traumatized by it to the point it became at the center of her life mission, and Rin lost both parents to murder and was traumatized by it to the point she avoids thinking and talking about it ever again. Both of them seek to learn, use and even create unconventional magic eyond the rules set by people. Both of them have cat energy, thank you for coming to my ted talk

Holm

Holm is actually rather mysterious. The biggest thing to notice here is that Holm has been to elven jail before, because his research was too close to dark magic. We have no idea of what his research was about at all, we have no details and little clear hints. He's a man of theorics though, it shows in how he talks about magic and spirits, and with his christmas gift exchange gift it shows how nurturing living things with magic really is something he enjoys and has interest in. It's not a lot to go off of, especially since we know canaries are trigger happy when it comes to dark magic, both arresting people who had minor brushes with it or that seem suspicious without any confirmed crime, and with elves exaggerating people's crimes so they become a canary for manpower. Who knows, maybe he is dungeon diving to try and subtly do research at the same time, but the way we get no hints of that and he just keeps working as a spirit user post-canon makes me think it's just work to him. He never mentions researching or seems to be studying something in the dungeon so it doesn’t sound like that was significant part of his reason for dungeon diving. So he had his run-in with authorities and decided to live more simply from thereon. But that could also just be because of the nature of dark/ancient magic and how it more or less poofed from the world after the demon left, too. With the truth revealed and ancient magic unavailable to channel anymore, research becomes less needed and viable. I doubt Kabru knows about his past. Again, much like Laios' party pre-canon, what got them together is work before anything else, with the added bonus of Kabru spinning an important narrative about conquering the dungeon to become dungeon lord.

His chill laidback, more passive and calm attitude makes him feel more vague and mysterious too, hard to get a good grip on, but he’s also the most mature and put together of the group. Very mellow. He's not quiet to the point of seeming asocial like Dia somewhat does, he just seems... Average, in the extra about his sister for example. And good at keeping secrets. His skeleton in the closest is the jail thing and that's that, seems like it put an end to his researching career and he’s now settled for being a spirits magic user as a job which brought him to dungeon dive. Nope sir prison isn't worth it I'm keeping myself into trouble from now on. What job can I do now though, my specialization is spirits arts... Dungeon diver, okay sure. It could be theorized that his usual attitude + his secret are a persona of sorts, where he keeps himself largely hidden and keeps people at an arm's distance. It's pointed out he freezes in the face of conflict- it shows he dislikes fighting, even being worried for the spirits he makes fight, and that makes me think even more that dungeon diving wouldn't have been his first choice. It could also be a good part of why he's so laidback and quiet then, passive. He dislikes conflict, so he avoids being in the spotlight also helpful skill to have when you've had run-ins with the law, and he has such the nice guy reputation that Mickbell doesn't think twice about crashing at his place in the middle of the night- and sure enough Holm lets him in and practically serves him. You could think him a doormat, but we see with the comic of him & his sister that he's very capable of being mad and agitated and go more on the offensive in a social situation, but yes he has that helpless -panics and wails while all his coworkers does things around him against his will- energy that's pretty sopping wet cat. He seems chill and cool but oh no he was actually the stressed overworked protagonist of a sitcom movie. My condolences for your life Holm. In general he's also a decently judgemental person, and although casually and often with a smile he has no problem "telling it like it is", calling out Mickbell's treatment of Kuro and talking about how Kabru can't clean for shit, how he'd "be willing to do anything to achieve his goals" and is too people pleasing, etc. He's confident in himself, and pretty set in his beliefs though we see him debate and compromise with Kabru.

His sister is the only personal relationship we see him have, but it's stated. She must live on the island too, considering Kabru visits her. The Island isn't exactly a place you're typically born in, so it's interesting to wonder what it means that both Holm and his sister would have moved there. Did their parents disown him after he got arrested over his research? There's nothing to say they did, but nothing that hints they didn't either, honestly, so Holm is a bit of a blank slate backstory wise as well. We know his religion's very important to him too though, and it affects his diet. His spirits are very dear to him and it's mentioned for example that he's raised his undine since basically the spirit equivalent of a baby, so it's implied he's been raising spirits for a long time. If his social life doesn't seem to be thriving, his spirits are definitely filling some of his social & connection needs as pets would. He does both healing and offense.

His contrast with the Laios party would be Falin since they're both healers lowkey doormats who notice the flaws in the people around them but don't act on them and prefer being passive and take upon themselves. They both love nature and were pushed by capitalism and rigid structures that prioritize conformity into work they aren't passionate about. The most important thing in Holm's life seems to be his spirits, and the most important thing in Falin's life are her loved ones, I'd say his enneagram is 592 while Falin's hmm, 926.

I ramble more about Holm in this kabuholm post and compile more of his moments, but it's more speculation than analysis, it's a take on him essentially. My personal verdict is- king of staying in his lane. He's here for work and he keeps his thoughts to himself to speak when it's necessary, he's not afraid of letting people have it outside of that though. The separation of professional and personal life is not going to great with his coworker occasionally imposing on his home lol. Reflecting his maturity, he lets others handle themselves and only steps in when he's needed. Hm, sounds like someone else doesn't it?

Daya

First things first: Daya or Dia? You'll probably have noticed I use Dia, and the reason is pretty simple: Daya/Dia is a nickname. Her official name is Diamond, but the shortening is always used instead- Diamond we have an official spelling for, the nickname we do not. Since it's in katakana (da-ya) and a fantasy world, translations call her Daya, but that's the same pronounciation as the "dia" in "diamond", and isn't it logical for her nickname to just be a shorter version of her actual name? We do know that Kui translates names to katakana being mindful of their pronounciation and not just spelling, like how Tims in Chilchuck tims is written as timzu. Yenpress the official english translator has messed up character names before and this even after official spellings came out, like Mikbell and Sissel, but notablyxthe anime english translation has also gone with Daya. But so, yes, I call her Dia, but of course there's no right or wrong here and by going against official translations I'm making things harder than they need to be. It's just...... Hard to unsee.......

Daya is very underrated for having such an interesting background! She was esentially raised in a cult? The "dungeon keepers". That protects dungeons, in that they keep people from going into it. She never knew why it was an important thing to do, and never questioned it, but as readers at the end of canon we now can imagine that they kept people from going into dungeons so that there would not be new dungeon lords and dungeons would not overflow. Ultimately, Dia fled her home and community because she refused the notion of marrying an older relative to have a child. There's a mistranslation from Yenpress that Namari is from the same tribe as Namari, when the original japanese sentence is just about how they're both from the same race- both dwarves.

No wonder with this background that she "has a slightly otherworldly air". She's very stonefaced and hard to read, but with the focus on duty and discipline she had growing up it's easy to see how she'd have become a somewhat emotionally constipated person in this way. She fell in love with someone of her choosing and is intent on marrying him, contrasting with the man she was ordered to marry back home. It's with a renewed interest in understanding what the life she'd spent so long upholding was about that she went back to work with dungeons as a dungeon diver, in her own words with the goal of understanding what they were protecting. In this way, it seems the marriage order was truly the thing that made everything snap and finally caused her to shake up her life, to look back and start questioning everything- and now she's free, she chooses what to do with herself and who to be with. It's said she loves her husband, and her husband seems very attached to her as well. Somewhat paralleling Chilchuck and his wife, we can imagine how nervewracking it must be to be the spouse of a dungeon diver, who faces death for a living. Dia is very independent and disaffected on top of it, so we see that her fiance feels insecure and even doubts she may cheat on him with Kabru. This insecurity is born from feeling like Dia doesn't need him- and so may leave him in the future. He feels neglected, and Dia probably doesn't show him love and how much he's valued in a way that he sees or satisfies him. That said, her fiance after a couple of cups and an hour with Kabru is shiwn to be very open and emotional, which would presumably complement her well. Dia seems unemotional but she does have her bouts of strong emoting, whether it be distrust, worry, frustration or even wonder- That said, she's not the greatest conversationalist around and I can definitely see her not really understanding how love, care affection and attention, is supposed to look like- Again, she grew up in an extreme social environment.

She's bold and fierce, confident, and notably very very strong. With training from a young age not only in discipline but in fighting she's a warrior born and raised. These are considered tomboyish traits, but I do like how Kabru and the adventurer's bible calls her a lady- she shows wonder at the treasure insects too! She's not disinterested in oretty things, or anything of the sort. We just have little window into her interests, since her life centers around work so much. She also calls out Mickbell for his mistreatment of Kuro, but also does nothing about it. She's quiet and is most often seen closing up the tail end of the psrty looking around for threats while they're on the move. She's quieter than Holm and also more standoffish. The queen of staying in her lane, if you ask me. We'll be talking more about it in the relationships section but you can already see this very interesting party dynamic forming of Rin and Mickbell having their nose all up in others' business while Dia and Holm are very permissive and quiet even while kabrin and mickuro look insane from an outside perspective. Who knows what normal looks like to Dia, though. She disliked Namari because her father made things rocky for dwarves on the Island for a while, so that can show how critical she can be and how her value of not sticking her neck out and staying put & not rocking the boat manifest/the why of it. Like in her home community we can imagine, you have a role in society and being overly disruptive can ruin things for everyone including yourself- even if the one who did the mistake was your parent the fault befalls on your whole family. Very strict hierarchy based outlook on society and community I think... It's interesting that despite of having been a victim of such behaviors herself, part of those faulty lessons stuck with her and she upholds much of the same fallacies.

All of this is very interesting foundation for a character, but yes not much else is developed on Dia and that's wher her story starts and ends- I'll make a diaholm post eventually that delves into her themes of freedom and emotional wallbricking but that's about it from me. I like to think that she likes her husband, but rushed into marriage- that going from a life where everything was structured and decided for her by others to having nothing but choice, from the prospect of marrying an old relative to anyone she chooses, she sort of picked the first guy she liked and made a move on her. Pure speculation, because I like exploring the side effects her upbringing would have had and this sort of detached attitude she has, with some typa off attachment style...

Fun facts: if the modern au christmas gift exchange extra is to be believed, Dia enjoys reading and has some books of her own. In a Daydream Hour she's drawn with Holm out of their work uniforms but she still has a sword at her hip, which may mean she carries a weapon with her even just around town. She has two younger siblings that she never mentions and we presume she left behind at home.

Mickbell Tomas

Okay okay okay now the true insanity may begin! Please refer to this post to see Mickbell's profile pages. Also see the bath comic for another great show of his character! I cannot make a mickbell collage for this there is no pic page umm ummmm additional compilation here.

Despite being an adult of 22 years old, even older than Kuro both literally and developmentally, Mickbell often acts rather juvenile. He tends to be very black and white, he wanted to steal the corpse retrievers’ stuff and was mad when Kabru didn’t allow it, he thinks Kuro talking to others will make Kuro leave him. He's judgemental (exhibit A: comic about Rin smiling) and critical (esp with Kabru). All means justify the end (him having fun, becoming rich) but if others do something wrong efficiency or annoying behavior wise you better believe he'll voice it. He’s very expressive, both in body language and words, swinging his arms as he walks and jumping and stomping the ground in anger. He also has a mischievous streak. He’s casual with touch, touchy feely if you will, and clings to Kuro a lot, both for safety and because he simply likes to. Cough cough separation anxiety and abandonment issues. He knows how to be serious however, especially when it comes to money or risky situations. He does his job well and does it conscientiously. In many ways he's similar to Fleki, if Fleki was more dedicated on the job. He may be very layered, and manipulative when he wants to be, but he seems to value in others the same type of directness that he has with emoting and interacting with others, as seen with his distaste for Rin being a tsundere. He's blunt and straightforward (whenever he isn't with Kuro or scamming), and in that way it seems those are values of his, which may be why he does usually gets along best with Rin, especially on the job.

He has loose ethics and likes to goof around but is otherwise often highstrung, reflecting Kabru's "relax a little" view of him. He's serious on the job- a contrast you can especially notice in the christmas exchange special. He had to steal and do scams to survive, again the christmas special shows he's good with money and making deals- mischievous and full of himself when he has to sell stuff and quick to flee when he smells trouble, but very focused when it comes to calculating costs and revenue.

Again, despite all his troublemaker toddler behavior Mickbell is surprisingly serious! It's still undeniable that he has capital i Issues, from being very uncaring about how others may see him and developing this "it's us vs the world" mentality with Kuro, to how emotional, exaggeratingly expressive and impulsive he is- in a way that lacks emotional regulation skills I'd even say, to what he says when something displeases him like "she'd be a lot cuter if she smiled more" about Rin after she doesn't laugh at his jokes... This all seems to point towards Mickbell having pretty bad emotional intelligence. You could even easily call him stunted. He doesn't seem very self-aware, his manipulation of Kuro is not something he can do solely unconsciously but it is genuinely debatable how much he knows he cares about Kuro, how much he's aware of what he feels & why, why he says what he says and does what he does. What would he do if you told him that trying to manipulate Kuro into thinking that everyone except Mickbell wants him in shackles and in pain and wanting to have a house and a nice domestic normal life with him is sort of mutually exclusive? I don't think he thinks about the wider picture like that, I think it'd cause some dissonance a bit. He thinks ahead when it comes to finance, but socially he seems to very much live in the moment, not really trying to anticipate how much others will appreciate his input or behavior or thinking about how he'll keep up the charade 2 years down the line. He wants to hustle his way out of being homeless, but in many ways he still has the mentality he had to have for running scams and surviving on the streets at his lowest, one day at a time, succeed this step so you can then succeed the next. In his mind he's constantly making charisma rolls on Kuro and he needs to not fail them.

Don't you worry Mickbell & Kuro is getting a whole section, buuut with Mickbell and Kuro both, character analysis is inseparable from analysis of the two's relationship. The ethics and circumstances of Mickbell working Kuro for peanuts are surprisingoy complex- because that is how Mickbell sees their dynamic, but Kuro sees it completely differently and assigns himself full agency in wanting to stay. Kuro obviously wants to follow Mickbell, and that’s what Mickbell takes advantage of unknowingly, what he thinks is Kuro’s helplessness. What I find much more alarming is Mickbell’s need to control not only Kuro's economical and social life but every aspect of his life. He’s not only overcontrolling, paranoid that someone will want to steal him away from him (both for Kuro’s sake but very transparently desperate to not allow Kuro to leave him as well- will get expanded on), but he also wants to isolate him. It’s no coincidence Kuro has no friends apart from Mickbell- the closest thing would be Kabru and even with him, communication can be difficult and Mickbell does interfere. It's not Mickbell's fault there is a language barrier, but it is Mickbell's fault that Kuro has amassed so few tools in navigating the world without Mickbell, but it is his fault that Kuro feels like he can't tell him he's learning common with Kabru, and it is Mickbell's canonical intent to render Kuro just that, powerless enough to need him- again I cannot overstate how it is straight up said and confirmed in the Adventurer's Bible that Mickbell mistreats Kuro the way he does because he's scared Kuro would/will leave him. Mickbell sees their relationship as employer-employee while Kuro sees it more as guardian & guy who needs to have one, but it is also said that Mickbell sees Kuro as family, and I do think that makes sense, and I do think it can't be overstated how on a deeper level it's Mickbell who needs Kuro, and that Kuro is Mickbell's absolute most important person in the world- his only person in the world, even, in many ways.

"Until he met Kuro, Mickbell was all alone in the world, so he seems to see him as family."

Mickbell is desperate for stable relationships, both seen with his clutch on Kuro and his wanting a house to settle in. Or I suppose, relationship singular, he seems very ride or die on the idea that Mickbell and Kuro are the only thing each other needs, he never seems to particularly try or want to befriend others, is a bit clammed up on himself. Distrustful, assumes bad faith, especially as we see with the half-foot union. Perhaps because he's never felt a sense of community where helping each other out of good will was a thing, survival made everything transactional living on the streets, so he has a hard time having good faith with organizations like unions, and this notion of relationships being transactional would have also shaped why he would frame his and kuro's relationship that way, as employer-employee. Not to say he doesn’t like socializing though, we see him work a room all self-satisfied and tell jokes in an extra comic, and he gets peeved when Rin doesn’t laugh at his jokes, he does like getting general social approval. As he isolates Kuro he also willingly isolates himself, and is ready to burn bridges or opportunities for him.

He's sleazy! Debate about egg or chicken all you want, but I think Mickbell running scams definitely shows in how manipulative he is in relationships as well. With the christmas gift exchange thing we see that he can do scams the straightforward way, selling an item to be much more than it us for an inflated price, but it is specifically said that Mickbell doesn't have half-foot pride the same way Chilchuck does and has no problem using his race to "curry favor", so I would think he's done the emotional manipulation kind of scamming as well, acting like a child in need or such. "If you can use something, you should" is stated to be his motto. Because in a life like his you don't have a lot, you seize the opportunities you get because it's a matter of survival and there's no ace up your sleeve dirty enough to justify not taking advantage of it. All this to say- Mickbell's most iconic scene is arguably his short interaction with Kuro here, and it's extremely blatant manipulation. The anime even ups this with the teary eyes and voice acting- the borderline tears followed by a grin shows just how conscious and intensive his manipulating really can get. Again there's a transactional lens he sees relationships through I think- and that plays into Mickbel scamifying his relationships up... Which in the end I do think he feels scummy over. Simply because, chaining someone to you like that is not something you do if you think you're lovable- if you're all that, if you're great and likable and worthy of unconditional love. That man can't believe in that, he can't believe in his life partner of many years choosing to stay if that didn't happen to be his only viable option. Mickbell lives in fear of being abandoned and it's in good part because the world has taught him he's not valuable on his own.

I think Mickbell lives in fear!! And I think that's deeply interesting. Makes sense for someone with such an harsh extreme upbringing as him to be hypervigilant, with food like with money the way he is with the party, he keeps grudges, both in his backstory extra comic and during canon. He lives in fear and distrust and all these little ways he knows toxmake himself feel more powerful than he is. And I think it's so, so interesting how when he finally accepted Kuro following him, inventing something about him becoming his bodyguard, it was because Mickbell just witnessed Kuro kill and maim a man and he was shaking, so afraid but also accustomed enough to violence and needing to bullshit his way through situations to tell Kuro things like "I'm your master" and for Kuro to just go along with it. Mickbell's is the art of faking it till you make it. Mickbell was afraid of Kuro then, and I do think Mickbell was scared of the idea of what this kobold man stranger could do if he decided that Mickbell wasn't his master after all, until his attachment grew and keeping the charade going was less out of a need for Kuro not to hurt him and more out of a need for Kuro not to leave him. So the fear of retribution because he did not know Kuro became a fear of abandonment when he did learn to know and love him- Kuro leaving him alone, the very thing he desired the firt time they met and Kuro followed him after Mickbell freed him. And this is why I made this web weaving about them this makes me ill good god. He lives in fear of being "found out" by Kuro in a way, for this scam of a relationship to be discovered so he only gets tangled up in his manipulation more and more to keep it going as the stakes keep rising and rising because Mickbell is only more invested with time- and he fears that Kuro would realize it one day but he also fears others will expose him, a big part of why he monitors what others say to Kuro, why he wants to be there whenever Kabru talks with him, why he's so scared at the slightest conversation had out of his hearing range. But! Part of it I'd say is also genuine fear that they could take advantage of Kuro, perhaps because due to his own taking advantage of Kuro and how readily the kobold accepts it Mickbell sees Kuro as a particularly vulnerable person, that he could get tricked by anyone, and let's remember that Mickbell met Kuro in a slave trader's cage- Mickbell's fear of others "taking Kuro away from him" is a double edged sword, it's 'them turning Kuro against Mickbell' but it's also what he always says about Kabru or others trying to 'kidnap' Kuro, what he says about how the half-foot guild wouldn't like his bond with Kuro and take him away from Mickbell. He's drunk his own koolaid in many ways. Separation anxiety and abandonment issues!!!!! Distrust at the world and feeling like he can never have nice things or be safe!!! And this plays suuuuuch a role in Mickbell's dream of having a house I think. Because a house is safe- a house means routine, means a place you can stay in and be protected by, is there a more emblematic symbol of stability and safety? In a house Mickbell is shielded from others' gaze and judgement, he's sheltered from the rain and he can keep food inside, he doesn't have to sleep with one eye open to not be attacked or have his things stolen through the night anymore, no there are four walls and it's warm and he and Kuro can live a peaceful life unbothered, away from the rest of the world that seeks them harm and wants them separated. Which hey that could parallel surprisingly deeply Chilchuck's feelings about a house actually, a house and family as something he has but that can be lost and destroyed- both in people leaving and in nightmares of home invasion.

But like Mickbell telling Kuro to stop snarling and growling because it's scary is such a good and fascinating example of this. How much of it is "it scares me" and how much of it is "you're damaging your own reputation, I'm scared of how people will react if you look too beastly and dangerous and what they might do to you- to us"? And this is especially true because Mickbell knows that kobolds are discriminated and how- for these years they've known each other Mickbell has been the one being the middleman between Kuro and the whole world- he's the one securing board and room for the both of them, noticing how people treat them and what they whisper about them, he's the one who gets told "this bathhouse doesn't allow kobolds" and he's the one who decides to leave and visit every bathhouse until they find one who does allow kobolds, becayse he's not taking a bath without Kuro. Mickbell is sticking with Kuro. They are ride or die for EACH OTHER not just oneway. Mickbell washes Kuro, he did that first time after they met each other and Kuro was a ghastly sight and very stinky, and he does now too, Mickbell patiently explains to Kuro how everything works, and when Kuro messes up something like getting Mickbell wet from shaking off water Mickbell gets mad but offers no punishment except chiding. In the bath comic, we see Mickbell spend HOURS brushing Kuro after his bath. There is immense care put into Kuro from Mickbell's end, as well.

"Now you're the cleanest dog in the whole wide world. No one can look down on you."

But hey, where did Mickbell learn "people leave"? That he’s unlovable and no one would stay for him? It’s a common fear that could be from anywhere honestly, whether insecurity alone or a very specific experience- but we do have trails we can follow... Mickbell lived in the slums of Kahka Brud, which he may have been birn in or interestingly enough since Kahka Brud is seen as a city of opportunities might have moved there. First of all, we have to wonder how he got into the streets in the first place. His relatives are listed as "unknown", but well, as a rule of thumb everyone has parents. Not even Kuro has "unknown" listed in his relatives section, and he's had cut contact with them for a long time by canon. What we know about the "relatives" section of Adventurer's Bible profiles is that it only lists living relatives, for example Marcille only has her mother listed, her father isn't listed as deceased and her step-father isn't listed there, meanwhile Kabru only has Milsiril listed, not his mother or even his father (which we don't know the status of, but Kabru doesn't know him either since he left when he was born). So what does this mean for Mickbell's relatives? Either he doesn't know what family he has, or he doesn't know if they're alive. It's not unlike how Kabru's name is stated as unknown, which either means he was renamed Kabru or that Kabru doesn't know just a part of it, like his last name- perhaps forgotten due to trauma, or his mother never told him due to their disowning them.

It could mean he was abandoned on the streets before he could remember so he doesn't know of any parent or caretaker they had, or it could be a lot of things. I do want to point out that both Mickbell and Kuro have "permanently out of contact" with their siblings, but Kuro still has his siblings listed on his profile, not "unknown". Since we get this info I do think Mickbell knew his sister, and I think it all lends itself to the "he doesn't know if they're alive" theory more. I mean, so much could have happened! But I think it's pretty safe to assume that Mickbell and his sister were on the streets together, until they were separated. Due to her messy hair and dead inside look I used to like to think she fell sick and as the older brother it fell on him to take care of both their needs and he couldn't manage to heal her before she died- or they were separated or something happened and he had to assume the worst. But something like some big event making them flee on their separate ways and then fail to see each other again, some other tragedy that made him part from her without knowing of her state... Or my favorite: one day she disappeared. Maybe he told her to stay there while he went to steal some food and he came back and she wasn't there, maybe one night she didn't come back to the alley where they always slept and she never did again, just. Did something happen to her? Was there an accident and she died in some ditch somewhere? Did someone kidnap her? Did she just leave him behind? He doesn't know. He doesn't know and he never will and he can't get an answer. And not having closure is almost worse than suspecting she's dead, or even if he knew it for certain. Because there's always a doubt. There'll always be that he doesn't understand what happened. There'll always remain that knowledge that things can just suddenly disappear one day, it'll be a normal day until it isn't, that people can leave, that everyone he's ever had (and there weren't many) HAVE left they're GONE and he's ALONE, and there'll always be that knowledge that Mickbell couldn't protect his little sister, couldn't even know she was in danger that time, if she was. Again in a way there's that parallel with Chilchuck where Chilchuck is very muh someone worried about the people he cares about's safety and has a protector role the best he can, and Mickbell usually is the one getting protected but he is very possessive and overprotective of Kuro, the one person he has. And just. Waughhhh. Idk if I'll make another post about Mickbell backstory speculation or his sister now if unprompted but for the record I like to call his sister Yukibelle/bella. Yuki because it means snow like deathly pale sickly skin, and it's a 4 letter japanese name, which being 4 letters 2 syllables suits half-foot names aaand most importantly, since Kuro isn't Kuro's real name and it just means "black" in japanese I like to think esp because of the language barrier taht that's just what Mickbell named him. And having no parents imo Mickbell would have named his sister, or even renamed her if she did have a name to spite whoever abandoned them...... In big brother fashion he likes to call her Yuckbelle. Ickybell and Yuckbelle the sublings ever. I was the one who chose your name so I can't make fun of it? Haha try again!........ I need to cope somehow guys. Having lived in the streets with the highest degree of life or death survival on the daily it's also easy to speculate Mickbell had other hardships and trauma like, say, selling his body and to people who are less than ideal. Just saying!! A lot of things you can resdy into his backstory that further explain or explore aspects of his character.

Unlike Chilchuck "I will never fight" Tims, Mickbell actually never fights. Like at all. Ever. His skills are clinging, cowering and getting covered, and giving orders. Both Chilchuck and Mickbell can be both mature and immature, but Chilchuck tends to embody maturity within the narrative and Mickbell is usually much more remembered as immature. Enneagram 6w7 (wants stability and simple pleasures & freedom on the side), same as Chilchuck. 6 is the fear of being without support and that's exactly what Kuro offers..... Very 8 as well, there's a case to be made about him being 683 like Chilchuck but I could see him be more of a 2 or 4 too. God he wants to be loved so bad. He's also quite tall but never mentions a diet to not set off traps, which may be because his diet is already poor. To me he seems like he doesn't care for culture at all having lived in survival on the fringe of society, similarly to him not having much half-foot pride, but he does smile as a dwarf so dwarves being the ideal body type still seems to be something he's in line with.

Post-canon, he opens a variety store with Kuro, and it's said his relationship with Kuro stays unbalanced. We don't know where it was opened, if they stayed in Melini or went back to Kahka Brud- but since Mickbell's dream is to specifically get a house in Kahka Brud's best neighborhoods and it's where he lived before on the streets, it seems to make sense house in Kahka Brud would still be his goal and to set up shop there. Not that we get an update on the house funds, the post-canon blurb is still in the near future after canon so their futures are still very much left open.

Kuro

Please refer to this post to see Kuro's profile pages.

Mickbell is so tragedy coded but Kuro is honestly... Like he's vibing. He has normalized the abuse (emotional manipulation & isolating the target both so that they need you for stability and emotional supoort + control their life and relationships are literally abuse tactics come on guys) but so much so that it appears both to Kuro and to us like that abuse has little grip on him, we see that he has more agency than we'd assumed. Kuro allows Mickbell to lower his quality of life way too much for sure, partly because Mickbell plays the part of vulnerable lil guy well, but what's so funny is that where Mickbell thinks he's being a mastermind all "🥺I was the one to save you from the streets, without me you'd be lost!! Everyone else wants you suffering, better stick with me!!😊" Kuro literally explains their relationship with "he's so pathetic and anxious, he needs me there :(" - which lends a whole new look to how pokerfaced Kuro always is when Mickbell is giving him his manipulative drivel lol. It flips the dynamic Mickbell was presenting because where Mickbell tries so hard to force their relationship to be that Kuro needs him, Kuro correctly identifies that it's Mickbell who needs Kuro- even more than for safety and financial reasons, because of emotional ones. So where it felt like their relationship was one where Kuro was fully tricked in that Kuro can only live by Mickbell's side for his own sake, Kuro wants to stay for Mickbell's sake and is well aware of Mickbell's issues and wants to help as a therapy dog would?? He doesn't care about the money or the food, he cares about Mickbell. The irony of it all is that Kuro could have left anytime, but stayed for Mickbell all along. It's easy then to assume that Kuro has it all figured out after reading the secret study session comic but that's also oversimplifying. Kuro seems emotionally intelligent in many ways- but sort of lacks sense in how it should be applied and how things should be, I guess is how I would put it? I still call their relationship abusive because it still is, Mickbell still isolates Kuro and manipulation is still the intent of a lot of what he says and does with him, and "well I know very well they're shitty but they need me" is a common dynamic irl in abusive and toxic relationships too, but it still reframes their relationship a lot to know that Kuro is not at the stage of "Mickbell is always right about everything and I'll follow him to the ends of the world because of it" but at the "this anxious miserable boy needs me and it's my duty to protect him". Mickbell is running a manipulation onemanshow against himself and Kuro is taking another path entirely, he has an immunity called language barrier lmao. /hj Kuro is hiding things from him Mick has no clue about, that he's having nightly study sessions with Kabru, but he's not hiding this out of a sense of fear but out of care.

Their relationship is based on misunderstandings and lack of communication, and that's due to a lot of things both the language barrier thing and how they tend to run with their own interpretations of things (Mickbell thinking he knows why Kuro stays, Kuro thinking MICKBELL IS A KID WHEN MICK IS OLDER THAN HIM). Kabru himself thinks that when Kuro becomes fluent in common and the two can truly speak together is when they'll really become fruends. It's a hopeful outlook! But it makes sense, because again their relationship is based on miscommunication, Mickbell is afraid Kuro only stays because he has to because Kuro can't reassure him that he cares for Mick, and Kuro only has part of the picture because they can't talk it out, so giving them the tools to truly be able to talk and understand each other fully would completely flip the dynamic. It's truly interesting how they only have each other, but even in their relationship they're both very isolated.

"I don't want to make him anxious if I can help it. He's still a kid, but he's been through a lot of rough stuff. I'd like to be somebody he can feel relaxed around."

So yes, Kuro explicitly thinks of Mickbell as a child he must protect and watch over, care for! He has a more mentor way to talk about it, but it's easy to assume Kuro sees Mickbell as family too. Especially since he has a lot of siblings, many younger! He has a bit of a protective instinct and thinks he should be a protector, simply because Mickbell needs him, not for other more grand or personal reasons. He takes upon himself, both duties and in general for everything, he can't talk with others but that's fine, he's a dungeon diver who gets worked hard and even fights and that's fine by him, he just takes upon himself incessantly, like with Mickbell he sort of shrugs and says it is how it is.

Kuro still thinking of Mickbell as a kid has interesting implications. During the main story Mickbell is 22 and Kuro is 18- how many years could they really have spent together? He left his hometown to see more of the world and was kidnapped at a port, so we could assume he left home after coming of age at 13. He was kidnapped at a port and was part of slave market on the eastern continent, where kobolds are rarer and thus probably more profitable, so it makes sense that he'd have gotten sent to the eastern continent straight away. Just travelling the sea can take a while- the world map makes me think the sea between the western and eastern continent is of Atlantic Sea size, which irl can take a little under a week to travel through at a good pace, but with the lack of navigation technologies compared to today if you're less sure of where to go it can be more around a month. Unlikely for Kuro to have spent all that long in a cage on a boat then, but where it could get messier is once he's on the eastern continent. Mickbell freed Kuro from the guy who was holding him in a cage calling him a demihuman trader rather than an owner, so Kuro wouldn't have gotten sold yet? Or traded between different slave merchants, I wouldn't be surprised if he changed hands a couple times without having been ever sold to a customer really. It's said that the Island has a slave market for example so there seems to be large demand in many places and for it not to be done in secrecy really. But their meeting happens in Kahka Brud let's remember- which is a city with a big economical growth and market & sompopulation due to the dungeon cluster there, so it'd make sense for Kuro to have been sent there straight. Kuro was obviously mistreated, shown to stink and likely starved not unlike Izutsumi's experience caged in a freak show, but he's not bony enough for me to really be able to give a time estimation of neglect and starvation with his looks alone. This is a lot just to say "Well if we assume he left home at 13 and was enslaved soon after leaving home, and the process of getting to Kahka Brud could have taken a month at fastest, he could theoretically known Mickbell since then". During canon they're both on the Island rather than Kahka Brud, but we have nothing to be able to tell when Kuro and Mickbell came to the Island, just that they came together and that he was probably hired when Kabru formed a party 2 years before canon. We can try to compare him with Chilchuck- Canon happens in year 514, but Chilchuck came to the island five years ago, when he formed the half-foot union. Comapring them is relevant because Chilchuck comes from Kahka Brud too, again the place with a cluster of dungeons, so Chilchuck and Mickbell choosing to come to the Island for dungeon diving prospects shows the same attitude that the Kahka Brud dungeons are already all pillaged and overworked and to seek dungeons elsewhere. And who knows, maybe Mickbell didn't really choose to become an adventurer, maybe it was just about fleeing Kahka Brud since that was where he stole and did scams, but dungeon diving does seem to be a desperate man's job in many ways so it makes sense either way. The way Mickbell talks about Chilchuck, I don't get the feeling Mickbell's been on the island for longer/as long as Chilchuck and for longer than the half-foot union's existed, which makes sense if we go by the "maximum 5 years ago" theory of Mickbell and Kuro's meeting. They likely stuck around Kahka Brud for a while before deciding to go for it and move to the Island. So I guess, we can shoot to say that they knew each other for a maximum of five years but a minimum of two? I like to think Kuro spent at least a couple of months enslaved and so I'd put my own estimate at around 3-4 years, which is already a lot if you're them. A looot of time to bond with the only person in your life.

It's a bit odd, usually in a character who's been stolen away from their home a goal of theirs would be to go see their family again, but Kuro never brings up anything like that. Whether that means his homelife wasn't great, or that he feels closure enough just continuing to travel as he wanted, or even that he more or less forgot because of the trauma, who knows truly. You'll notice his stated dream is to travel with Mickbell, which ironically is directly incompatible with Mickbell's dream of settling down and getting a house with Kuro to live in. Since he was kidnapped by slave traders at a port in his original continent, we can surmise Kuro always had a taste for travel. Kuro isn't even his real name, Yodan is! His detachment from his homeland, family and cukture is very interesting. He has no problem just leaving it all behind indifinitely.

So yes Kuro isn't his actual name- so "Kuro", meaning "black" in japanese must have been a nickname given to him, and I bet it was Mickbell. Being a half-foot and a kobold who can't understand each other, the language barrier made Mickbell just start referring to him by the color of his fur. Kuro never mentions his real name so it doesn't seem he particularly cares- which is a wider point about Kuro actually, that he seems to be very laidback and laissez-faire type, unbothered and passive. Things are how they are and he goes along with it. He's not a confrontational person but he also trusts his guts when someone like Izutsumi feels off. He never questions Mickbell. When Kabru inquires about him and Mickbell, Kuro goes "oh don't worry about it it's nothing tbh". Which is also in line with how it's stated Kuro doesn't give a rat's ass about honor or wealth, he doesn't really seem to have a moral compass as much as "Mickbell is what matters to me so only what Mickbell wants and thinks matters", he follows Mickbell's orders with blind devotion when it comes to work or what they decide to do with their lives and that's just well with him. This reminds me of Falin a lot, the way I perceive them. Just utter devotion to their loved ones without really caring for what's morally right or wrong- because love is the priority and loved ones' wellbeing and happiness are all that truly matter, and sacrificing themselves and their own agency to make that happen. Kuro overlooks his own needs because he prioritizes others', Mickbell's. I think his views on relationships and what’s normal are very skewed. That said, Kabru calls Kuro overprotective too, and I think Kuro can be very stubborn as well, and as we see with the comic where Kabru and him talk about Izutsumi's smell he's perfectly able to have strong opinions, he's not only the stoic type. Kuro's very coddling with Mickbell, and while I do think he's a nice guy I definitely think Mickbell is an exception where that's pushed to the extreme for Kuro, Kuro's fixated on Mickbell just as much as Mickbell is fixated on Kuro. Codependence has never been truer a word gdbdgd. Kuro is rather polite and conscientious, in a regular conversation you'd think he very well-adjusted, he's smart and very observant, not just aided by his nose but with how aptly he notices psychological aspects of Mickbell for example, he's eager to learn and hardworking.

Kuro's biggest interest and dream is referred to be travelling, he left home to do just that before he was ever kidnapped already so it's not even an acquired taste from being encaged. And that fits well with Kuro just following the flow imo, Kuro's wants like Mickbell are small pleasures in life like that, just walking around and seeing new sights... Mickbell wants food and a roof over his head and Kuro wants food and freedom. Ironically, their wishes are directly contradictory- Mickbell wants to live in a house with Kuro and Kuro wants to travel around with Mickbell, Mickbell even has his dream of a specific neighborhood. But it is very notable that both their dreams mention the other, whatever it is they end up doing they want to do it together. Post-canon, he opens a variety store with Kuro, and it's said his relationship with Kuro stays unbalanced. We don't know where it was opened, if they stayed in Melini or went back to Kahka Brud- but since Mickbell's dream is to specifically get a house in Kahka Brud's best neighborhoods and it's where he lived before on the streets, it seems to make sense house in Kahka Brud would still be his goal and to set up shop there. Not that we get an update on the house funds, the post-canon blurb is still in the near future after canon so their futures are still very much left open. Just wait until Kuro learns common...! That'll solve everything........!

I tried to go extensively into his parallels with Toshiro and Izutsumi here. Hmm 7w6? Noo 7w8 actually god... Too real... Get me out of here the Mickbell and Kuro double whammy is making me need a smoke. Soooo many characters in Dunmeshi have this theme of learning to live for yourself be comfortable in your skin and get in touch with your needs and desires more Kuro!!

Relationships

: Overlook

Ok THIS is the fun part. So I made this chart as sort of a summary- we'll especially be looking at the personal bonds and work besties relationships through sections, but that's not to say those dynamics are the only things going on. I tried to keep only the basics and essentials, but you could also totally have added a Kuro to Kabru arrow mentioning how Kabru is teaching him common, or one from Mickbell to Holm about how Mickbell crashes at Holm's place occasioanllu. I made the purple lines based on what we see in canon, but it’s totally possible that Rin also judges Mickbell and Kuro, and that Holm and Dia judge Kabru & Rin as well, even though I don’t really think so, not particularly.

And that's what I’m getting at here: their party has a lot hanging in the air that everyone is more or less aware of but don’t truly acknowledge aloud, don't speak about or resolve. Holm and Dia needle Mickbell about his treatment of Kuro but don’t actually do anything or push, Kabru tries to help by teaching Kuro common but seems to be content "meddling" in only small subtle ways over time like that doing just what he can, concludes that the relationship mess goes bot hways and decide to just keep an eye on it quietly, meanwhile Mickbell seems tired of seeing Rin and Kabru bicker over her crush when Kabru teases and they argue, but doesn’t think to have a tal kabout whatever the fuck it is they have going on- it’s routine, it’s just how things are. It's commonplace- so their serious accusations about Mickbell are mentioned a grand total of twice and that's that, and only Mickbell out of everyone acknowledges aloud that Rin and Kabru have a weird thing going on and that Rin is weirdly deoted to Kabru/loves him implicitly. Everyone is much more ready to comment on Kuro & Mickbell than Rin & Kabru- which, absolutely deserved yes, but are what Kabru and Rin have not intensely weird behavior. Would you not get a headache trying to understand what's going on there and listening to their flirting and scolding and arguments on the regular. Do they never get "this needs to stop"? No, only Mickbell? Okay

Made this lil collage above but it's notable that the whole party throws casual jabs at Kabru all the time also, whether about how he can't take care of himself or how obsessed or weird he can be. Although everyone has respect and trust for kabru, they're also all fairly comfortable criticizing him. We see this in the shapeshifter "what if" comic too- his party members often find KAbru too extreme and overly dedicated, but ultimately trust him and follow his lead. Dia keeps her nose out of things but beyond hater duo Mickbell & Rin, even Holm comments regularly on his people pleasing and bad cleaning and organisation habits. Paralleling the Laios hater duo of Marcille and Chilchuck in the main party, Rin and Mickbell are especially critical and harsh on Kabru, here's a short and incomplete compilation to illustrate the point. Do they do fuckall about it though? No not really.

Everyone at some point or other shows concern for Kuro, it shows they don’t default to treating him as furniture or a tool after a long time of working together, they value him, but there’s always a third party barrier through which they have to interact, Mickbell- except for Kabru who can communicate with him on Kuro's own territory and have alone time with. But no one except Kabru and Mickbell even try to talk to/with Kuro, and you could also easily argue Kuro is not fully humanized, there's how no one except Mickbell worried for Kuro here for example.

I want you to imagine being Dia or Holm. I want you to imagine what it must take for there to be not one but two insane dynamics in your party amongst your coworkers, with who your job is so to camp with for weeks at a time, and not even blink at it anymore. I want you to imagine being kind and queen of staying in your lane and having these two obvious codependent situationships amongst your coworkers and just go "if I don't acknowledge this things are gonna go more smoothly". Save them get them out of there. Just the occasional long suffering sigh and "Mickbell that's not right :/" and yes, your job here is done.

You really start seeing this pattern looking closer where their party are fraught with interpersonal drama. The will-they-won't-they casanova leader & his angry tsundere childhood friend and Mickbell and his "employee" he exploits and isolates from the wider world??????? Truth of their relationship aside as we've discussed, this is how people around them perceive their dynamics and the optics are insane (/negative hello). The true doom of Kabru's party is all this interpersonal drama going on??? The very thing Chilchuck fears about parties lol, HOW has this party not imploded on itself yet. And personally I think that's a good part of what they contrast with the main party about- Where Kabru's party failed, Laios' party succeeded because they talked their differences out, they challenged each other on topics they disagree on and argued, instead of always just brushing everything under the rug. The reason canon happens at all is becase under the emergency of the situation Laios decides to be vulnerable and come clean about his interest in monster cuisine after all, and yes judgement and racism is rampant at first, but they reach an understanding through open communication. Meanwile, Kabru's party doing social 8d chess.......... Just keep on making passive aggressive comments forever see where it gets you.

This party also has a running theme with unabalanced and onesided relationships, and emotional dependence/burdening. It feels weird for it to be so weirdly intricately developed and consistent even though it does nothing in the main story- except for strengthening the whole diverse living cast thing which is important to the lesson and theme of people coming together despite differences is good, and like, "you can't judge others' relationships and sitations without knowing them" you know, but. It's here man it's here and present and too loud for me to unsee. Rin is dependent on Kabru and there's an argument to be made about the reverse being true as well even if Kabru is emotionally unavailable, and then there's the codependent Mickbell & Kuro mess, and even Dia and her fiance are faced with some unbalanced relationship and emotional unavailability. So our lineup is kabrin, mickuro, Dia & fiance and Holm who has a barely breathing social life. I suppose the latter's not uncommn though, the same can be said with most of Laios' party including Namari and Toshiro.... But good lord. This combined with how Dia & Holm get along together the best does make the party dynamic really funny though in a vacuum, everyone's going razy with intense tea meanwhile Dia and Holm the quiet judgers who glance at each other like do you see this shit. You are the only one normal here. (One has researched illegal magic and the other grew up in a cult.)

To me it's also really interesting Kabru hiring Mickbell and Kuro especially. Kabru is someone who works off reputation a lot, he has his homegrown informant web called gossip buddies and whatnot, and we know that while he's willing to go to questionable lengths for his beliefs, he has a pretty strong sense of right and wrong where stealing from people who ripped you off and repeatedly led you to death was a no-no. With all the shit Mickbell is catching even now about his slave- ehem, business partner, I doubt Mickbell would have seemed anywhere squeaky clean. Kabru hired a pretty blatant morally loose person who has stolen and scammed- and I think that's very interesting. Was Kabru desperate for party members? Maybe with Dia and Holm, believing in his cause was important-? No no, it's more likely the other way around- only desperate adventurers (or the ones who specifically want Kabru as their party member) stick to being in his party, with all the failures it experiences. Mickbell and Kuro are the only on who don't express loyalty to Kabru, so maybe Kabru's party was the only party willing to hire him- especially if he and Kuro are a package deal where they both get paid. And there's how Mickbell isn't affiliated with the half-foot guild too! Which means no work protections for him but also no salary cut? But yes yes, especially with the way he treated the corpse retrievers you'd think he wouldn't want anyone shifty on his side, but there's also the side of Kabru that loves to help others out, both on a societal and an interpersonal level- and I like to think that despite Mickbell obviously being from a rougher crowd he not only saw the two of them for the skilled people they are but also just, saw they were in a tough spot and wanted to offer a chance y'know? I had a convo about that once where I asked my Kabru expert friend what they thought about Kabru's grasp on socioeconomics and helping out people who are in tough situations for circumstances beyond their control, because you'd think Kabru would be understanding but then with the corpse retrievers, who seem Not Well Off and are comprised by many mixed races individuals like a half-dwarf and a half-gnome........ Helki and Mickbell are alike in many ways and it's interesting to think that may have played a part... Kabru seeing this disheveled obviously sketchy down on his luck Mickbell and being reminded of the only father figure he's ever had in his life, another blonde smartass with a ponytail, an ex-convict from a rough criminal background��� And wanting to hire him to help him have a chance to get out of that place lowkey... I'M JUST SPITBALLING!!!!

Anyways so getting back to the crux of the matter, this is how the party naturally divides up with each other, the same kind of way Laios & Senshi and Marcille & Chilchuck did especially early on.

But the interesting thing is that Kabru keeps everyone at a distance, Rin included, so how does it divide up when Kabru and Rin aren’t interacting? She stays alone? Nope, oddly enough she seems to gravitate towards Mickbell. And the reverse is true- which makes sense since his partner isn’t a good conversationalist. Mickbell doesn’t really see Kuro as an equal, Kuro is his beloved fool he's tricking on the daily in his mind after all, so he doesn't seek out Kuro for opinions, because unlike Rin Kuro isn't a peer. In the page on the right notice the second panel, everyone gives each other a silent glance and this summarizes the dynamics here really well. Kabru is telling his plan of keeping going and this is everyone's moment to agree or disagree. Holm and Dia look to each other, more neutral. Rin and Mickbell look to each other, seeming more displeased, and Kuro looks to Mickbell. In that second of gauging each other's feelings through a glance, their resolve and opinion gets steeled and everyone tells their feelings after, Mickbell and Rin more reluctant. On the left you can see who sits next to who, who walks next to who in the party formation- Rin is always right next to KAbru but Mickbell is at her side, with Holm following without attracting much attention to himself and Daya closing the group on the lookout for threats. Mickbell & Kuro and Rin & Kabru as actual friends impotant in each other's lives tend to duo up, meanwhile Dia & Holm and Mickbell & Rin are more like "each other's favorite coworker" than actual friends, so Holm and Dia don't even necessarily stick together, at the risk of being third wheels. In fact the christmas gift exchange is a good character writing moment with everyone, if you want to look at their gifts and reactions.

So yes this explains how I divided up the chart, the duos are Rin & Kabru bond, Mickbell & Kuro bond, Mickbell & Rin coworker besties, Dia & Holm coworker besties.

Rin & Kabru

I made a rather in depth post on their relationship recently, specifically trying to nail down whether or not Kabru could have/had romantic or ambiguous feelings for her beyond/instead of "big sister":

It's a good look at it that covers most of the matter and has much, much more pictures than I could otherwise put here, so I'm allowing myself to go over this section faster here and summarize things.

Their relationship is obviously very onesided and... Needy, for a lack of a better word, because Rin is clingy and Kabru is probably her one friend in her life currently- but it's always been that way anyways hasn't it, did she have anyone else at the elves' too, did she have any in the village she grew up in that hated her family so much they killed them? She's overbearing and hovers over his shoulder for mistakes when they're together, but her reason for doing so is out of worry for Kabru, that because of his ambitious and self-neglectful tendencies he'll get himself into trouble, and she's not wrong about that! Kabru holds himself on his own currently, but it's not hard to see a future where he slowly descends into neglecting himself more and more in his focus on his work, but no currently he's still able to endear his landlord into cleaning his room for him and to put himself to sleep with alcohol. The relationship is onesided because Rin's always the one pushing and Kabru never truly opens up, but their relationship does have push and pull too- Kabru does pull sometimes. It isn't like Kuro simply passively enabling Mickbell's issues and bad behaviors, but in many ways encouraging them. Kabru flirts with her. He jokes and he teases in ways that come dangerously close to acknowledging aloud she has feelings for it, and never turning her down despite it being clear to us he has no intent on ever reciprocating them- He leads her on, whatever his intent is. And I go into possibilities of how and why in the separate post a lot, but overall I'd say that it's because he does need her back in a way too. It's that repressed desire for connection that rears its head with Laios and even Mithrun too. Maybe they're an ill-fitting match, but it's what he has, the friend he's had for the longest- Like I like to say, seeing Rin as his best friend is so sad and tragic but it’s also not wrong. From what we see she’s the closest to him, which is sad to think about. How can a guy’s social life be so thriving yet down in the dumps truly. She completely relies on him for purpose in her state in canon and dumps her emotions and issues on him, but he does play with her back and avoids his emotions and needs through her too. He has the uer hand in their dynamic, was even the one to ask Rin to come along with him when they left the elven kingdom. She's a fixture in his life, she's a safety net, she's someone who'll love him unconditionally, who even if he mistreats her a bit he knows she'll stick with him. He sees her as a big sister, after all. He knows her tough love is love. Does he give her jokes to latch onto as his way to keep her in check, or to make sure she'll want to keep following him? He can't bear to bare himself to anyone, but if it's Rin, she knows infinitely well how Kabru isn't perfect, constantly reminds him of that, and where in every other relationship he tries to be or has people believing he is perfect, with her he can be a little rotten, a little inconsiderate- and idk idk man. I don't think there's really a conclusion we can get to with them, but a lot of their dynamic feels just very. Mutually unhealthy. Like self-harm almost.

And like, look at the picture of them dancing below! Just it alone implies a dynamic already. They balance each other out somewhat, because they're severe about different things, Kabru encourages her to let loose socially but Rin keeps him from getting too full of himself in his own corner, because she always keeps calling out to him specifically, to the Kabru she knows and that he knows she knows- though maybe doubts sometimes. They both keep each other from being too caught up in themselves- but both of them are also frowning here. They also enable each other in very bad ways imo and inadvertently push each other into their bad habits, nagging Kabru makes him retreat into his shell even more and approach their relationship calculatingly or even coldly knowing of her feelings for him, and getting all the attention from Kabru in a way she doesn't want- because she can tell he still has his walls up- makes her more frustrated and it's all just a bad cycle of feeding each other to continue just as the status quo is. Rin nags him so Kabru throws her a bone so Rin nags him etc. But they're also genuinely dear to each other, maybe more iut of memories than because of the present, so they can't really let go of each other. Fucking doom tango fr

My take on Rin being particularly severe on Kabru, beyond just being worried that any mistake has a dangerous cost for people like them, is that like. She knows Kabru, from way back, and she sees his persona, how he tries to be perfect for others and caters to everyone's needs except his own, how he keeps himself hidden like that. And she doesn't wang Kabru the persona, just Kabru the person, the man she loves- and he's trying to be perfect but it's futile, and it just makes him more cardboard cutout, he's being fake and it just makes her so angry how he keeps his distance with her, so at every turn she tells him when he's not perfect, at every turn she reminds him of his flaws, as if to say, "you can't be perfect, just stop". And every flirt he sends her way during the story makes her madder because again she knows it's just empty air to toy with her, so she scolds harder. Like I don't think she's a self-aware person in general, so I think she mostly just feels this as sadness completely masked with anger that drives her foward and makes her impulsively say things, and she thinks what she says is right and she's being righteous, but also there's just this gaping void in her at the state of things, there's frustration whenever she sees Kabru smile a plastic smile at others all the time, and she doesn't know why. And the only worse thing is to have that plastic smile targeted at her- but it makes whenever he offers her more genuine unprompted attention all the more precious, like in the comic about her smiling.

They kept in touch post-canon! But it seems inevitable to me that the change in their lives made them grow a bit more distant, not working together all the time anymore. Rin figures Kabru is being taken care of by now, being a part of the royal court, and goes to pursue her own ventures, but they're still friends and that shows with Kabru inviting her to the castle. Rin can't help herself but to visit him once in a while to see if he's still breathing I bet- I do think she has a bit of a "only I don't get fooled by you (especially when you say you're fine)" way to think about him and their rekationship, a big of why she'd say the "Don't think everyone's going to fall for you". Anyways, it is fun to theorize Rin might be a pharmacist often hired by the castle hehe, but yes yes that's all we get info wise. Here's to hoping she mellows out some

Mickbell & Kuro

So, their relationship is more messed up than Kabru and Rin's, but it's less up in the air/free grounds for interpretation, much more directly explained. Their character profiles & extra pages alone give a really good look at their relationship and both their perspectives of it: Kuro's family that Mickbell has to find ways to chain to himself or he feels insecure, Mickbell to Kuro is a vulnerable kid that he chooses to look after and go the extra mile of being mindful & considerate of said insecurities. I already talked about it a lot in the Mickbell & Kuro sections, and the post I linked above has a longer but more compact analysis of them- but yes yes I'll still cover the essential and the new here. I said it earlier but Mickbell needs Kuro more than Kuro needs Mickbell- Kuro is like the entirety of Mickbell's emotional regulation 'skills' lol, where Kuro needs Mickbell in a material sense where Kuro wouldn't be able to communicate well with others or go far without money and Mickbell, Mickbell needs Kuro because otherwise he'd be shattered- not to say that Kuro isn't also very useful to have around for his muscles. Both of them are very physically and mentally vunerable both, the pyramid of maslow is not being met on any level eesh. Kuro needs a compass and Mickbell needs an anchor, both of them needed a purpose in the day to day life of survival and both chose each other for that- protect Mickbell, and buy a house with Kuro. The human mind thrives off of goals, desires. Again this thing with compass & anchor is very reminiscent of Falin with Kuro, the way she centered her life around others, so much so that when she was a mentally compromised chimera she defaulted to that way of being with Thistle. But they're in that spot very similar to them where one is especially very mentally vulnerable and easy to control whereas the other is very physically vulnerable if the other were to decide they've had enough and go murder mode on him. It's the dog loving the chain on its collar.

How long have they known each other? Who knows, but I estimated it between 2 to 5 years, between when Kuro became an adult and when Kabru formed a party- but even those are just guesses. I also think he named Kuro, since Kuro's name is actually Yodan and "kuro" simply means "black" in japanese, with the language barrier Mickbell wouldhave just started nicknaming him by the color of his fur.

It’s important to remember how they started: Mickbell saving Kuro and Kuro saving Mickbell, Mickbell freeing Kuro out of spite which made Kuro follow him and then Kuro saving Mickbell by maiming the guy who had kept him in a cage and was threatening Mickbell, prompting Mickbell to suggest hiring him (while being broke) as a bodyguard, half out of fear half out of seizing opportunities? And we'll get to that but this is a good way to understand why they're both so "It's us vs the world", they both came from a similar situation surviving in the slums together but even before that they had the same man for enemy, Mick helped Kuro out and Kuro helped Mick out in turn, and they stuck together. So that’s the origins of Kuro being "his employee" that he’s working for peanuts, it’s less disingenuous and eager than we’d expect, the attachment Mickbell formed to Kuro was over time, eventually associating Kuro with both safety and companionship. Meanwhile Kuro seemed ride or die very early, being saved helped I’m sure, but remembering that Kuro thinks of Mickbell as a child to protect also helps frame why Kuro would be so ready to devote himself to guarding him- seeing a small vulnerable "kid" in all this danger, constantly surrounded by threats and famine. So in the end, a big factor for their relationship is that they can’t communicate for shit. For several reasons including language barrier, overly controlling and dehumanizing behavior/abuse tactics backfiring- and emotional constipation. They both have preconceived notions and they both just.... Don't really know each other. I don't think Mickbell even knows his name- Kuro thinks he's a kid! They don't know each other, but they also know each other in the way of familiarity, in the form of having spent years inseparable glued to each other. Mickbell doesn't know Kuro's name and Kuro doesn't know Kuro's age, they don't know the other have siblings they have cut contact with and they don't know each other's dreams, they've never had an actual conversation especially on equal grounds, but also they know each other's mannerisms. They know each other's favorite foods. They know the sound of each other laughing and crying and the feeling of each other's warmth. They know each other but they also don't know each other at all!!!!! Crazy crazyyyy dynamic.

The "it's us vs the world" is so so strong with them especially from Mickbell's end, and can you blame him? Can you blame him when he's been kicked down like a dog all his life and he sees that in Kuro too? And perhaps no one else can ever understand Mickbell and know and stay with him like Kuro does, even when they can't even have actual conversations. This is it for Mickbell, Kuro is all he'll ever get in his mind and he's intent on never letting go, he's all he'll ever get and us all he wants and he cannot, will not, ever, let him go.

And the whole snarling-growling thing is very interesting too, especially since that's contrasted with Kabru (scroll down here for pictures). Mickbell has little experience with kobolds beside Kuro but also his first impression of Kuro was seeing him bite and maim a man to death. Kabru has experience with kobolds from his homeland where they're seen as more serious threat than cute doggy people, where there was fighting and rumors and presumably contact too since Kabru learned some of kobold language and he was only 6, AND Kabru has trauma with monsters and beasts in general. When Kuro growls, Mickbell goes "hey I told you to stop growling that's scary :/", and Kabru goes "Kuro, what's wrong?". And this is sooo so fascinating to me. Part of this already is again the language barrier, Kabru can ask Kuro to comfortably explain the issue where Mick cannot (he could still try though since Kuro can still speak some albeit broken common), so with Mickbell Kuro only has body language that doesn't come naturally to non-kobolds to communicate with- but Mickbell dismisses it as regularly as he doesn't. Part of it for Mickbell is having been on the other side of Kuro when angry, having seen how scary he can be and afraid himself- but then why? Does Mickbell still get scared of Kuro when he snarls and acts like that, the way a lot of us flinch when someone gets mad and yells? Does Kuro feel more unpredictable then, and that's scary for many reasons? Or maybe it's because he's scared of the way others see Kuro, that others will dehumanize Kuro if he emotes in ways like this. From where they come living on the streets, looking wrong at the wrong guy can cost a lot, so Mickbell may have extra developed a sense of keeping your head down at the right times and not provoking when risky- and he can't fully control Kuro so when that choice is out of his hands things feel a lot more shaky. Of course though in any case, growling or no growling Mickbell sticks with Kuro, keeps holding onto him when he snarls, it never crosses his mind to step away from Kuro or leave him behind, consequences or uncertainty be damned. Just, the justified concern mixing with the unhealthy possessiveness and controlling, the genuine fear... It represents their wider relationship pretty well in just one example.

He fucking sticks with Kuro with the baths!! Many bathhouses don't accept kobolds but Mickbell tirelessly keeps looking for one who will, Mickbell and Kuro are a PACKAGE DEAL and it stays that way even when it's inconvenient for Mickbell. Mickbell washes Kuro and spends hours brushing him afterwards with immense care and patience, there's effort there on his end too there is consideration and love!! They are sooooo ride or die!!!! "Now you're the cleanest dog in the whole wild world, no one can look down on you"!!!!!!

They have incompatible dreams of the future, Mickbell wants to settle down in a house and Kuro wants to travel, both want to do it together. My thing with Mick & Kuro post-canon is the only ways I see it develop and go down is: 1) Kuro becomes able to easily converse with him and their relationship changes with a lot of rough bumps but slowly and surely towards something better and/or 2) Kuro leaves to travel here and there while Mick manages the house, they’re still in a life partnership but they’re ok being apart for a while now. Mickbell learns that leaving doesn’t mean there’s no coming back and to live beyond each other ykyk <3 But while Kabru himself is hopeful that when Kuro becomes fluent in common Mickbell and Kuro can "really become friends", their post-canon blurbs break our hopes for a near future resolution, specifying that Mickbell "still works Kuro hard". They open a variety store together! I like to call it Mick & Kuro's knick knacks <3 Does Mickbell still keep his prices and product descriptions dangerously close to being scammy? Possible! He's earned it though he has his own store brooo his own building his own business... I know that shit got him emotional We do see that Kuro gets him to be healthier slowly but surely though- in the last chapters we see him push Mickbell implicitly towards the half-foot guild! Kuro is protective but not possessive and he encourages Mickbell to get out of his shell, reflecting how he talks about Mickbell as someone needing support and gentle care & understanding- he was being real about noticing his issues and wanting him to become happier.

Once upon a time back in my early days of shipping mickrin I entertained the thought Mickbell's attachment to Mickbell may have a romantic nature mixed in as well, whether it'd be "genuine" or maladaptive's too complex for me to say- but what was funny is that even in that case to me nothing changed. I think that in a world where Mickbell likes Kuro romantically, he would neverrr ever make a move because he'd be too terrified Kuro would dislike it and leave- so instead it just gets lashed out in different ways and he vents & seeks that out in other people kinda hoping it'd be Kuro or whatever. Kuro's too precious to risk is the thing. "It's us vs the world" and if Kuro leaves then is when he would be truly alone- like I mention in the Mickbell & Kuro I linked I think Mickbell is very afraid of change. It's why I think the possible future of Kuro learning to talk common well would be rockier than we'd assume at first- and I think in that fear of change is the fear of changing the nature of their relationship and lowkey even the fear of deepening it- What if Kuro starts actually understanding what Mickbell always says and decides Mickbell is stupid and unlikable after all? What if Kuro starts talking and Mickbell doesn't like what he says? What would Mickbell do if Kuro started being more inquisitive, asking more questions and requesting more things? Mickbell is terrified of Kuro having agency and it's for a reason!! Mickbell lowkey dehumanizes Kuro as a possession sometimes because that's less scary, because Kuro being a full person with his own wants and thoughts detached from Mickbell is scary!!

Mickbell needs to be Kuro's whole world- because if Kuro got a taste of the rest of the world, everything else there is beside him- beyond him-, then how could Mickbell possibly compete with that? How could Kuro choose Mickbell over the world? And the irony of it all the thing that gets me choked up is that along it was never a competition, the world has always been Kuro's love, travelling is his main interest, and he wants to travel it with Mickbell- The world is wonderful and Mickbell's presence doesn't take away from it but enriches it, makes the world even more valuable and treasured and life more enjoyable and full and god. God!!!!!

So yes these are insane coworkers to have and this is the dynamic that has Dia and Holm side-eye Mickbell and ask him when he's planning to free his house elf. Imagine having a group project in school and these dudes are in your group.

Rin & Mickbell

The hater duo, no 1!!!! Dia & Holm is the second one but they can't hope to match these two's intensity and hater aura. This is our moment to breathe we're getting back into Kuro & Mickbell madnedd after

I compile their most relevant interactions here, and you can also see a small compilation of them combining their hater powers on Kabru here. There'S a lot of things that make them really fun to pair up, like how they're easily the top 2 most unpleasant bitter Kabru party members and how they like each other best anyways lol, or how they're both in a codependent situationship- and they both have similar defense mechanisms of most things getting filtered through anger, but what's especially interesting is how they're different in the worst way, in Rin's codependent relationship she's the one who gives and devotes herself, the self-sacrificial one, and in Mickbell's codependent relationship he's the one who takes and takes, the self-centered one.

That's already me getting lost in the sauce though because these two are just coworkers and that ends there- in fact with the tavern comic about Rin smiling we see that they get along much more at work than outside of it. I think why they get along is exactly that blunt and critical nature of theirs- Neither hesitate or bother with politeness or little games to say what they have on their mind and when something's a bad idea- it's why with even just a "you see this shit?" glance at each other they get steeled and soothed into reluctantly agreeing with Kabru, "Well, if Mickbell/Rin is okay going along with Kabru's plan, it must be fine after all... Not that we won't shoot him with laser beams with our eyes". Like I said earlier even though Mickbell can be manipulative, but he emotes very strongly and openly and is very blunt as a rule, he seems to value in others the same type of directness that he has with emoting and interacting, as seen with his distaste for Rin being a tsundere in the same tavern comic. You could reach and theorize his distaste in Rin acting all happy because Kabru complimented her, despite her still being very sour, is also from a feeling that she's being easily manipulated, which could be interesting... But yes yes, and similarly Rin is drawn towards someone who is similarly severe with high standards and who's very cautious with plans and money, and with her distaste for Kabru's own playing around and fake politeness it's interesting to think she'd find someone who's authentic to the point of being unabashedly unpleasant refreshing. So yes yes, they're united in haterism, and they look to each other for opinions, and they sit together, and when they meet Laios' party with Toshiro's Mickbell tugs on her (the only other who took a hard stance on wanting the "thieves" to pay) dress to go "hey you see these bastards?", and when Rin casts waterwalk on the party it feels very familiar- which shows still how much familiarity the party has developed together. They don't get together to have a laugh or have fun, but they seem to be each other's favorite coworker and be often on the same wavelength, easily understand each other's thoughts from even just a glance.

You can feasibly theorize Mickbell has a crush on Rin and is jealous of Kabru for it, considering he's always hanging around Rin when it isn't Kuro, how he hangs onto her on the regular, when he sighs seeing Rin and Kabru argue because Kabru flirted, when he's always on Kabru's case, when he's the only one who brings up Rin & Kabru's relationship, when he gets frustrated she doesn't laugh at his jokes and says she woud be much cuter and more charming if she smiled more- which we see Mickbell beam at. Misogynistic energy? Yes. No one said Mickbell hasn't some incel tendencies in him lol. I don't think that's the intent though and all these things can be easily explained by other stuff, but all of these together make it a coherent angle, if you so wish for it. Mickbell lashing out at those he likes because he's insecure when he doesn't have their full attention who'd have thunk! The mickrin manifesto is coming another dayyyy though I can't get more sidetracked

Kuro & Kabru

I already went into some things a bit like Kabru's reaction to Kuro growling despite his trauma wit hbeasts and experience with kobolds' nastier side, and I have a post where I let myself ramble about the two of them here- I'm sorryyyyy I'm sorry everything is so interconnected I can't not repeat myself and link stuff!! But once again I'll cover the bases here- In a non shippy light but also the original post is 90% parallels and analysis too

So their relationship is really interesting in many many ways. Kabru is teaching Kuro to speak and write common in secret, which shows many things already. In the party he's by far the most considerate and caring of Kuro, we see him listen to Kuro's worries about Izutsumi also. We see him ask Kuro about his opinions, for Kuro that's revolutionary, we see him take Kuro's concerns seriously and extensively talk about them and he accommodates with talking kobold as well. For being the one with monster & demihuman trauma, he's the one who humanizes Kuro the most- perhaps because it forces him to take Kuro seriously and keep in mind the whole of him, not only appearances or behavior, in an hypervigilance and "I know what you are" way, if that makes sense?? We see Kabru's urge to spend time to give a voice to the voiceless, to help this one dude, his coworker living in questionable circumstances. And all of this, again, despite his trauma, despite him saying it's best to assume communication with demihumans is impossible in the kobold extra!!! Do see the irony!! And many say that Kabru only said that because it was the Touden siblings and he wanted to say anything to make them think twice about blindly approaching the "cool cute desert dog people", but even if that's fully the case I still think it's interesting that he'd be willing to throw demihumans he spent his early childhood coexisting with under the bus like that- in a way.

He's giving Kuro knowledge... Teaching him like Milsiril once did- the thing he himself most grateful to her for. From one disempowered person to the other he's teaching societal survival skills. He's tutoring Kuro on his own best weapon: words. And he does this in secret, with no laurels and no reward, at night on the regular. I think their dynamic really goes to show just how much Kabru cares about others, how even though he sees Kuro as more "photorealistic" and less cartoony than the others, both because he knows the dangers of kobols and he takes them more seriously- and inadvertently emphasing on the beastly animal side taking away the endearing exaggerated features..... Even then, he's so so very considerate, and kind, and he cares, and how much he wants the world to be better and equal and for everyone to live well. And this shows in how the nightly sessions are also a way he gets to interact with Kuro away from Mickbell's eyes- This is where Kabru inquires about their relationship and learns about Kuro's vision of things. Whenever Mickbell steps in Kabru immediately folds, makes himself as non-threatening and unimposing to Mickbell as possible and steps away without resistance to ease his worries, but when he's away Kabru and Kuro can actually talk. And Kuro does open up to him, and hearing his thoughts Kabru learns about them andconcludes that both of them are overprotective over the other- He sees that the issue and the overattachment isn't oneway, and acts in kind. Kabru keeps an eye on them, as seen also with the end of the extra about Izutsumi's scent, helping in the ways he can, subtly through acts like helping Kuro learn common so one day he and Mickbell may talk.

Kabru is likely the closest thing to a friend Kuro has currently, beyond Mickbell. Which is crazy to think about!! But also man I want you to imagine them having their late night study sessions, talking about their home the western continent together for a bit. Kabru gets to talk about the desserts he couldn't talk about in the elven kingdom and Kuro recognizes them, in just talking about the weather they find so much commonplace, in traditions and myths and habits and ways to be- And maybe from where he's from Kuro's heard of the evil eye as well, knows that tallmen with blue eyes are rare and seen as bad omens, disowned and chased out of cities, but Kuro offers no judgement and so Kabru offers none in return. Like their arrows towards each other are "kobold" from Kabru to Kuro and "he speaks my language", and that's so crazy!!!! That's so little but that's so crazy!! And I truly cannot handle typing these thoughts again so just scroll down here but my god my god!! The heartwrenching isolation of them.

Ah yes- there's also something to say about how only he and Mickbell don't follow Kabru with any solid sense of loyalty! Everyone else praises Kabru's cause and says they're there for him to achieve it, but Mickbell stays quiet on that lol and almost walks out at one point- and then Kuro very straightforwardly says that he'll follow Mickbell whatever he decides- As much as Mickbell is Kuro's "employer" Mickbell is Kuro's leader, Kabru might be the team coordinator in his eyes and he does respect him, but the only cemented in loyalty he has is to Mickbell. Ironically, he's also the one who rates him as a party leader best! At a high 95% score. Which still shows just how much Kuro likes and respects Kabru... And also might show how low his standards are, since the party keeps dying under his lead- Kuro hasn't had great impressions of bosses and workers' rights after all- like with people's behaviors and living conditions and whatnot he has bare minimums standards, a very low bar, like him thinking of Kabru as "The guy who speaks my language!" something that should be so normal, being able to communicate with someone in a language you're comfortable and fluent in, has become something exceptional and precious.

Kabru & Mickbell

Okay this one is sooo interestingly layered. So there's a lot that goes into Mickbell's onesided beef with Kabru- I can try to summarize it as that Kabru seems effortlessly charismatic.

Part of it is as Mickbell puts it here and here, that he's afraid Kabru will steal Kuro away somehow (and that's without knowing about their study sessions). Kabru is so charismatic and likable, and kind something that as we se Mickbell tends to approach with suspicion- nothing in this world's free. Believing that Kuro only stays with Mickbell because he has to and that Mickbell successfully fools him, it's not hard to see him being afraid of Kabru "telling Kuro stuff" that'll convince Kuro or turn him against Mickbell, "he's a smooth talker, don't let him kidnap you"! It's again that belief that Kuro is easily fooled mixed with Mickbell's belief that no one could choose him over others if they had option- who wouldn't go for the cool and handsome charismatic witty tallman? Even his fave coworker who's just as severe as him is all wrapped up around his finger after all. And then there might be more general jealousy at work, about Kabru being an ideal with all these qualities and how well off he seems despite being broke too, Mickbell possesses so few qualities and his party leader that he finds incompetent on top of everything else just has "every quality given to him on a silver platter" or whatever resenting drivel Mickbell would think up. And then yes there's as I put it, the incompetence- Kabru and Mickbell think & operate in very different ways, Mickbell is very direct while Kabru is very indirect, Mickbell is very practical while Kabru is very guided by ideals- they have very different conceptions of "the end justifies the means", very different goals of self-serving vs greater good. They have different morals and views on retribution with the corpse retrievers, he's the one who pushes most against Kabru's plan of keeping going into the dungeon even after things go wrong and so he's the one who gets his concerns dismissed by Mickbell most, alongside Rin. Like with Rin he seems to see Kabu as reckless and as someone who takes things too lightly, which as someone who takes his job very seriously is frustrating, and like with Holm and Dia too he seems well aware of his flaws with people and his "fakeness", which doesn't endear him lol. Also someone stubborn- which from someone stubborn to another is always a sign of a great war incoming lmao.

And I do want to reiterate the beef is onesided!! Kabru is maybe even the most charitable and patient with Mickbell. As much as Holm let him and Kuro crash for a night, Kabru was the one to give him the money to go to a bathhouse. You can see his look of concern at stinky Mickbell in the first panel lol.

Again I'll share this comp of Mickbell and Rin being on his case, to see some examples! And my personal favorite:

And notice the Dia-Holm sideglance in the next-to-last panel. Is it a "he spitting some truth rn" or a "Ahh Kabru is on his corny shit again"? Wouldn't you like to know lmfao

Daya & Holm

You looove to be unbothered and uninvolved in the love square happening. The hate triangle if you will (Kuro isn't involved in that one he dgaf). You looove to just give professional opinions on the party's plans and that's it, you love keeping things to yourself and being a quiet pillar of the party rather than anything showy or flashy. I just love their side-eyes I just love making them quietly judge everyone especially togther, "you are my partner in sanity" fr.

Even together they don't have that strong a bond, like with Rin & Mickbell it starts and ends with their work dynamic pretty much. Still, consistently over and over again when the party divides itself into subgroups naturally, these two gravitate towards each other. As above a Daydream Hour shows them hanging out (off-work considering their outfits?) and points out that they're the party members "closest in age", 58 and 76 respectively, the oldest beside them is Rin at 24. Developmentally, with just proportionally comparing their lifespan to tallman's and calculating in kind Dia would be 23 while Holm is 30, so this thing about being closest in age seem to be about them both being longlived races, thus having a more similar sense of time and outlook on the world for it. They do seem to be all around the most mature and well adjusted of the group- although those appearances can for sure hide some deep flaws we just haven't been able to truly notice.

OTHERS?

These are the ones I felt were worth commenting on but they all have litle dynamics between each other, with Mickbell & Daya the least probably, for example if you want Holm & kabru thoughts I made a ship post about them and compiled most of their interactions. Like, I do like to summarize Holm @ kabru as "i won't talk about it but damn you live like this??". Holm @ most of the party actually lol. Holm has bigger fish to fry anyways, like Mickbell, who already outranks Kabru there and then crashes at his house on top of it. Holm and Rin often team up to talk about magic, when shopping or when Kabru asks something.

Daya and Holm have less strong & deep dynamics because they have less ties, simple as, they keep themselves less entangled in what's pretty much office life- yes they're willing to risk their lives to dungeon dive with th party, but that's as with any adventurer, as with everyone desperate and unstable enough to have it as their main job. Rin is tied to Kabru so that gives her importance, but Mickbell and Kuro have each other so it gives the party dynamic around them a lot of layers already, their personal lives are more shown during canon and extra because of it, meanwhile Holm and Daya both keep to themselves much more and their personal lives are only hinted at in extras, they don't have drama on the regular in front of the rest of the party the way the others do lmao.

Conclusion

Kabru’s party is in a bit of a weird spot in the main story- I think we can agree they’re characters that feel largely forgotten by the story after a point, and don’t matter all that much. I do think they have a narrative purpose, but. It's all about Kabru and setting his character up, similarly to how Namari was to give Marcille growth and Toshiro was to give Laios growth, it offers us an early Kabru to compare middle and late Kabru with when it comes to relationships and alliances, and with how much they fail and the few scenes they have where Kabru has his mask on and even coldly rebutts Rin I think we're supposed to see the flaws in his way to lead and work in team, where Kabru changing on that end would be for the better. They're a window into Kabru's shortcomings in teamwork and social life, his status quo at the startof the story. Laios' team was as successful in the main story because they truly came together, became friends who revealed their authentic selves to be stronger even when they worked together and were all very different from one another- but what Kabru does is try to hide and compensate for flaws, especially his own, and he hides things from his party and he keeps himself at a distance from it. Laios wasn't all that different with his party pre-canon, but where in the emergency of current events Laios shed pretenses at the risk of being disliked and rejected by others, in early manga Kabru instead tightens his grip on trying to control the party- why Kabru pushes his party members into his plans with less and less care for their opinions with his rebuttal of Rin as the peak of that- until he even lowkey isn't all that motivated by his party members being hostages lol. Like- am I making sense??

Analyzing labru vs kabumisu interpretations of Kabru is honestly very interesting because the two ships' fans seem to often have a completely different take on him. Kabumisu fans tend to emphase on Kabru's need for agency and empowerment and labru fans tend to emphase on Kabru's need to learn to compromise and not taking everything upon himself only, and see like, both are true both are good, and which of the two ships you like more depends a lot on these subconscious little differences in interpretation you naturally develop I think, because while I'm a double agent I myself prefer labru a bit and I naturally lean towards the "Kabru has lessons and change to do" angle, where with kabumisu often the focus is on not Laios gaining understanding from another but Kabru gaining understanding from another. For Kabru to grow vs to be validated, for him to finally feel safe and comfortable, and that to be achieved either through growth or through comfort, though both through understanding one another. It's about trust it's about understanding others on your own terms vs theirs it's about how being willing to open up and delve in relationships makes your understanding of people better, truer!! Understanding others, debatably the biggest theme in Dunmeshi!! Anyways don't tell the fandom I said that

In the wider meta narrative- Dunmeshi has a big theme of conforming and fitting into society, all its main character have that as a big theme- Laios being a misfit, Marcille being a half-elf, Chilchuck being a half-foot in a bigoted society, Senshi being an exiled hermit, Izutsumi being a beastkin… The experiences are varied but it’s an universal theme, everyone has things they're ostracized for somewhere or other. And I think all of Kabru’s party have a facet, variance of that that’s interesting, one that’s less about social acceptance and finding your place like Laios’ party but has a bigger focus on economical struggle, Kabru and Rin are to put it very short powerless child refugees, Mickbell and Kuro are dirt poor, Daya was threatened to fit into a strict mold and Holm was put in jail for academic studies. They have codependent relationships and emotional unavailability all around in different ways, there's isolation as a theme there too. That also is largely a Dunmeshi theme. Does no one have a fucking healthy good thriving social life? A good work-personal life balance? Being in touch with yourown needs and feelings perhaps? The triforce of things you can never have all at once in dunmeshi. But all these similar yet different hardships, all these people with hard to pin down exteriors- it's all about understanding too. How can you judge without first understanding, you know?

They're doubtlessly minor characters, but they're also part of that large tapestry of diverse people that's needed for Dunmeshi to do what it does, thematically and narratively. For that final battle to have so many different people come together to fight on the side of humanity, for all its habitants for all the facets of people in it, together. "If even one thing had been missing, we wouldn't have gotten here" as Kabru puts it himself in the next-to-last chapter. This is Dungeon Meshi, everything is interwoven, it's all a web because our environment shapes us as much as we shape it.

They get sidelined by the story. much like they were by Kabru- but he does have their loyalty, like how Laios' party stuck together through it all, even Chilchuck and Izutsumi, and when it's time for the final battle they're there to help and it matters, they matter. Relationships, trust, goes both ways, it shouldn't be onesided. If someone proves genuine why not try opening up? Kabru's party always trusts him and show up when it matters- Because to put full trust in another is terrifying and risky, but sometimes it'll pay off, and still always they take that step to trust their leader. Trust and love and care isn't a transaction, earned or not, and all you can do is try to appreciate it and repay it in care. In the end Kabru's party reminds us of those things, that despite everything we all need someone.

[guidingthulite]

guys if the next n25 event is kanade5 and kanade helps mizuki in a way no one else could because kanade is what brought n25 together in the first place and gives mizuki strength to face her fears can you all go "alma you're so smart" and "alma we love you and your infinite wisdom" and "alma i'm going to draw kanamizu for you"

[obsessedoverwater]

Born to draw Knuckles and Espio making out.

Forced to have shaky hands that can hardly write letters.

This may or may not be a reference to Sonic Highschool.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Y'all, I think I've figured it out. Operating on the assumption that the finale is indeed an alternate timeline from the manga, then someone could have written on a page of the Book to rewrite reality to lead to the events of the finale sometime during season 5's events. In other words, this would explain the INCONSISTENCIES with things that were established or at least heavily implied/assumed prior and in the manga: Chuuya being a real vampire and not in control, nothing being planned, Dazai giving sincere speeches, Dazai really being shot and saying his "last words", Fyodor's hand not being injured, soukoku not killing Fyodor while in Meursault because they literally couldn't and Dazai needing Sigma to discover Fyodor's secrets because of that, Fukuchi's goal not being one that relied on Fukuzawa being alive since he clearly intended to kill him, etc etc too many more to count

Events and explanations in the finale feeling so contradictory and out of place, and characters feeling so ooc and not acknowledging any discrepancies, makes perfect sense if you consider that, up until a certain point, this was our canon timeline — until someone rewrote the ending of the arc with the Book, starting with Fyodor injuring his hand...! We only have one example of the Book being used to majorly rewrite reality in the manga, and when that happened, the main players — the ADA members — were aware that reality was changed, even though they did have memories of the new rewritten reality. BUT, Nikolai was unaware of this during that scene, and so also were all law enforcement because of the clause written on the page accounting for that, so what if the same thing could happen in this instance, to prevent all our characters in the finale from being aware that things had changed? We literally saw someone writing Nikolai's dialogue for him; imagine someone doing that during Dazai's final speech in the episode, and during all the rest of it! I don't know who this would be, but possibly a mysterious third party who got a hold of a different page from the Book somewhere and wrote things to turn out this way, because they wanted the ADA to win against Fukuchi and Fyodor? Maybe even because... this is the only way they can win?

Remember Atsushi asserting this plan, and how silly and too simple it sounded? What if someone else ended up doing just that, writing their own simple outcome for the ADA to win (as a narrative of course, which is probably why it had to start with the major catalyst of, again, Fyodor injuring his hand)? Additionally, if that's what happened, maybe the ending of the finale is a sort of side effect to the Book being used improperly in this way, leading to a destabilization of the timeline or a mishmash of other timelines into the anime one, leading to the alternate Fukuchi and Akutagawa we see there?

[lena-oleanderson]

Still Looking or on knowing there's a way out because you've been here before. you've been in bigger and scarier places before, and even they had a way out, and a friend on the other side waiting. and if the journey is too much for you, get up and eat. even if the bread needs to be baked for you, even if you need to be told, even if you need to be fed, just let someone tell you to get up and eat, let someone feed you, and get up and eat, and find a way out. (and like the mary ellen carter, rise again)

[cementcornfield]

rules: list your ten favorite characters from ten separate fandoms, then tag ten people!

ja'marr / football 😌

mickey / shameless

snafu / the pacific

michael jones / youtube

omar / the wire

jackie / that 70s show

grantaire / les mis

shaolin fantastic / the get down

martha / the americans

anne elliot / jane austen

thanks for the tag @donttelltheelff! this was fun! if any mutuals want to do this one feel free :) and let me know :)

[fingertipsmp3]

Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself